


Stars Hide Your Fires

by tresa_cho



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Daemon, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Other, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-22
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 20:23:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tresa_cho/pseuds/tresa_cho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard and his daemon aren't super enthusiastic about ground missions. They remember why when Jim drags them along and things go haywire. Leonard must figure out how to save a comatose crew, rescue a ground team, and prevent humanity from being turned into human batteries with himself and a handful of survivors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. darkness is a harsh term

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the lovely dommi, Elli, and Oomph. Consultation from rawr_balrog. All other mistakes are mine.
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome.

_darkness is a harsh term don't you think?  
and yet it dominates the things i see_

...*...

He couldn't breathe.

The great, yawning abyss of space tore at him, trying to suck him through the breach. The ship tore around him, splitting at the seams. He gripped the biobed, fingers aching around metal frigid with the cold of vacuum. Kaira dug her talons into the arm he curled around her, holding on for her life. Science is stronger than man. The negative pressure was stronger than Leonard's grip, and he was slipping.

His lungs pushed desperately, choking on sheer nothingness. His nose was bleeding.

Kaira slipped, and with a shriek she was torn away. Towards the hole in the ship. Towards space.

Leonard couldn't cry out. Didn't have the breath to scream as their bond _stretched_ -

“Bones! Wake up.”

His bond snapped.

No. Someone slapped his chest.

“Breathe, Bones. _Jesus_.”

Someone leaned over him, firm hand massaging his chest. Leonard sucked in a gulp of air, and when he found air to breathe, sobbed in relief.

“Okay. You're all right. Calm down, Bones. You have to calm down.” The hand didn't stop moving, and another one joined his hair, pushing it back off his forehead.

“Jim?” Leonard's voice broke.

“Yeah, it's me, Bones. I've gotcha.”

Leonard stretched his hand out blindly, and Kaira fluttered into his grasp, hopping up the bed to press her warm body against his face. Leonard sank his fingers into her feathers, feeling the anxious flutter of her tiny heart. He waved Jim off to focus on her. She was beside him. Not getting sucked out a tear in the ship. He was safe. They were safe.

“Talk to me?” Jim asked, his voice barely a whisper. Aakhai curled at the foot of the bed, his eyes closed but his ears up. He wasn't sleeping.

“Hull breach,” Leonard said, closing his eyes.

“You did good, Bones. We're alive. Pike's alive. We're almost to Earth.”

“We lost Puri,” Leonard said.

“We lost a lot of people,” Jim said quietly. “But we're still here. You and me and Spock and Uhura... We all made it. You're safe now.”

Leonard spent one last moment with his face pressed to Kaira's sleek feathers, and then reached with his free hand to Jim. He tugged him against the small, single mattress, and shifted until they both fit with moderate comfort. “How are you?”

“Everything hurts,” Jim said, leaning against Leonard gratefully.

“Ribs still taped up?”

“Yes, _mother_ ,” Jim said, muffling his groan in Leonard's shoulder. “I think I like you better asleep.”

“Shut up, infant.”

Aakhai snuffled, shifting and yawning a great, monstrous canine yawn. He blinked at Leonard, who felt heat rise at the inspection.

“Bones, you'll come with me, right?” Jim asked, a drowsy slur in his murmur. “When I get my ship?”

“Yeah, kid. I'll come with you.” Leonard lay awake long after Jim drifted off again, comforted in the familiar sounds of Aakhai shifting on the sheets, and Jim's gentle snores.

...*...

“So tell me again why you need me along on this trip?” Leonard adjusted his tricorder holster. Damn transporter.

“Because the missives we've received from the planet says they have developed some pretty interesting medical applications of their peculiar power source. So you're going to go off and do your medical thing, and Spock and Scotty are going to investigate the engineering parts.” Jim threw his hands out to the sides. “Easy.”

“And what are you going to be doing, dare I ask?” Leonard folded his arms over his chest. On his shoulder, Kaira shifted to accommodate.

“The Captain will be soliciting an exchange of information,” Spock said. He put a very slight emphasis on _soliciting_ , and Leonard smiled. 'Soliciting' indeed.

“If the Nareel happen to be extremely enthusiastic about investigating human bodies, who am I to deny them?” Jim said, gripping his wrists behind his back. “Ready, Scotty?”

“Aye, cap'n. Just have to grab my towel.” Scotty climbed aboard the transporter pad and waved to Keenser. Scotty's koala plodded over to him and sat at his ankles, a fresh white towel gripped between her claws.

“Towel?” Jim rested his hand on the top of his golden retriever. Aakhai looked up at him adoringly. Leonard rolled his eyes.

“The last time I used a transporter with you, I ended up swimming half the ship,” Scotty said. “I think I will be prepared this time.”

“You are so weird. Ready?” Jim looked at Keenser. He gave a little wave, and Jim nodded. “Energize!”

Leonard came back to himself to a staggering punch to the chest. He took a step back, gasping, and dropped to his knees. Fingers ground into the dirt as he tried to drag air past steel bands winched tight around his lungs. Kaira squirmed on the ground, trying to right herself through the agony, and Jim's hands gripped his shoulder.

“Breathe, Bones.”

Kaira dragged her wings along the dust and finally set herself onto her talons, swaying. She stared at him. Leonard's vision was sharper, much sharper than a humans should be.

“Listen to me, McCoy,” Jim was saying. “Come on. Focus. What hurts?”

“I can feel her,” Leonard said with a gasp. Jim's bruising grip on his shoulders relaxed slightly.

“Of course you can feel her-”

“No. I can _feel_ her.” A sense of wonder and surprise rolled through him. Definitely not his own emotions. The thought that it was odd Aakhai seemed nonplussed. “I can read her thoughts.”

“It is most disconcerting, captain,” Spock said from behind Leonard. “Even as an empath, to be involved in my daemon's mind is... cumbersome.”

“Why aren't you affected?” Leonard asked, panting. The influx of stimuli was dizzying. He was so large but so tiny at the same time. Did he have feathers or skin? He couldn't remember. “Why aren't you on the ground?”

“I'm just special, I guess,” Jim said, his face pale. “Can you breathe all right?”

“Yeah. Just... overwhelmed.” Leonard rubbed a hand over his face. Jim's hand felt nice on his shoulder. Still wonder what it would feel like against his feathers. No. Her feathers.

Leonard closed his eyes and the sensations faded as he concentrated. He could still feel her, her consciousness simmering in the back of his mind. But he could see, and he could stand and breathe. Kaira stretched a wing to him, but he shied away. She nodded sharply and took to the sky.

He expected the familiar tug of her stretching their bond, but nothing happened. Jim's hand pressed against his back.

“Bones?”

“The bond isn't stretching,” Leonard said.

“All evidence suggests this planet has an effect on daemons,” Spock said. “Which no other planet has demonstrated before.”

“I gathered that,” Jim said. “It makes the bond stronger?”

“This planet does seem to enhance the natural connection between human and daemon,” Spock said. He peered up at Kaira, circling over them. “I do not believe I've ever seen her fly, Doctor.”

“Nobody asked you,” Leonard said, bristling. He stalked past Spock. “Are we moving or standing here all day?”

Jim grinned. “Scotty?”

Scotty was holding up his daemon and staring at her with wide eyes. The towel hung limp in her claw.

“Bloody hell,” Scotty said in awe. “You're worse than me!”

“Right. Scotty's gone. Spock, you're responsible for him.” Jim trotted after Leonard, Aakhai tight on his heels. “Spock's right. I've never seen her so high.”

“Are you trying to say something?” Leonard asked. He clenched his arms over his chest.

“No. Just.” Jim tugged a hand through his hair. “Most people with bird daemons let their bond stretch. I always wondered why you didn't let her fly.”

“She never wanted to,” Leonard said. He cast a glance upwards, unable to dismiss the sheer joy radiating off Kaira. “She never talked about it.”

Aakhai darted ahead, cresting a hill with a pleased bark. He looked over his shoulder at them.

“Besides. 's not normal to have a stretched bond,” Leonard said, stomping down on Kaira's excitement. “I don't need people looking at me like I'm some kind of freak.”

Aakhai darted back to Jim's side, pressing up against him and urging him forward. A rough silence fell over them, and Leonard's skin crawled with it. Jim pulled away from him, quickening his pace until they crossed over the top of the small hill before them.

“There's the delegation,” Jim said.

The Nareel were tall. Extremely tall. Extremely tall with four arms and eyestalks. The one in front held out its arms to them, and Jim approached without hesitation.

“Greetings,” Jim said. He paused in front of the Nareel and held out both his hands in a gesture of pacifism. “I'm Captain James T Kirk of the USS Enterprise. This is part of my crew. Doctor Leonard McCoy, Commander Spock, and Montgomery Scott.”

“Greetings to you, Captain of USS Enterprise,” the foremost alien said. “I am Rae. To my left is Uot, and my right is Zisha. It is an honour to welcome you and a potential alliance of our worlds.”


	2. we shall see what we can find

_roll away your stone and i'll roll away mine  
together we can see what we will find_

...*...

Uot's eyestalks bent backwards, and Leonard followed his gaze. It was staring at Kaira. Leonard shuddered, and Kaira dropped. Her form of peregrine falcon made the dive fast and deadly. She pulled out of it inches away from his chest, and he caught her in his arms. Their bond thrummed, resonating through his skin and chest like the beat of a drum. Kaira glared at the aliens, daring them to meet her eyes. None did.

“If you would follow me.” Rae slid to the side, its tail sweeping back grass as it moved. Two of its arms gestured to a dirt path.

Jim nodded, and fell into step beside Rae, leaving Leonard with Spock and Scotty. Even though the bond burned between them, Leonard didn't dare let Kaira go. Her thoughts sizzled at the edge of his consciousness, but she was trying her best to keep them to herself. Scotty was still a little shell shocked, his daemon hanging limp from his shoulder as they moved towards a gleaming hover of some sort.

“Fascinating,” Spock said upon entering the vehicle.

Leonard slid next to him, trying to get comfortable on the awkwardly shaped seat. He had to finally settle for pulling one leg to his chest as the ship shuddered around him. The interior was immense compared to their shuttles. Where human shuttles were angles and planes, the Nareel seemed to value curves and arches in their design.

Rae sat in the driver's seat, curled into his chair with ease. Beside him, Jim had managed to tuck himself up without much discomfort, watching the scenery fly by. Aakhai rested on the ground under the chair, muzzle resting on his front paws. Leonard kept his eyes on the city skyline that appeared out of the thin fog as they approached.

The traffic patterns in the city were enough to give Leonard half a heart attack. Layers of hover vehicles streaked through buildings with no apparent rhyme or reason, but Rae set them down outside a building without destroying them in a fiery crash, and Leonard stumbled out of the hover as fast as he could.

“How often do you crash?” Jim asked Rae.

“We rarely have instances of collisions,” Rae said. “The car systems are automated to decrease the chance of operator error.”

“Fascinating,” Spock said. Leonard rolled his eyes.

Rae led them towards the front door of the building, and they slipped out of the warming daylight into the cool interior of an office building. Leonard walked slightly behind Jim.

“Jim, where's Aakhai?” Leonard asked suddenly. He hadn't tripped over the damn creature in over half an hour. He paused in the doorway of what appeared to be a conference room, Spock fetching up behind him.

“He must have wandered off somewhere. He'll be fine, don't worry.” Jim sat in a chair Rae designated. Leonard narrowed his eyes but sat beside Jim without further comment. “Do you mind if we record this? Standard procedure for first contact missions.”

Rae nodded slowly, waving two dismissive hands. Spock clicked his PADD and set it on the table between the two delegations. Jim leaned back in the clunky chair, managing to still look poised and in control even with the ridiculous fit.

“We represent the Federation. The United Federation of Planets is a mutually beneficial alliance of planets. Starfleet serves to protect and moderate interactions within the Federation. We provide relief during disasters, border protection, and help mediate discussions between races.” Jim smiled his diplomatic smile. Leonard did his best not to roll his eyes.

“Mediation?” Rae asked, tilting his head towards Uot. “What do you mean by mediation?”

“Starfleet utilizes military action as a last resort. We function to give a neutral ground to parties interested in formal discussions,” Jim said. “We allow dignitaries aboard our vessels to hold talks, should they request it.”

“Yet you send your military men to initiate contact,” Rae said.

“We send our men and women who have been trained to take care of themselves in unfamiliar environments,” Jim said smoothly. “Some of the planets we've landed on have been less than hospitable.”

“If we were to join the Federation, what would you request of us?” Rae asked.

“What are you willing to offer?” Jim asked. “Entry into the species database is a common allowance. As is trade. Our network of worlds opens up incredible possibility for product exchange between planets. You mentioned in your missive that you were on the brink of a technological renaissance?”

“Indeed. Our scientists have broken through a quantum barrier within the particles that power our infrastructure. The results have been exceedingly fruitful.” Rae rested his wrists lightly on the four arm rests of his chair. “Would you care to see some of it? We have made incredible strides in our medical and engineering scientific spheres.”

“I think that would be a good start,” Jim said. He flicked his PADD onto the table and shifted through some files. “It's a new power source, right?”

“Yes. We have managed to harvest what you would call the fabric of the universe.”

Spock's ears twitched at this, and he leaned forward in his chair. His chkariya clambered up onto the table and perched, whiskers quivering. Leonard covered his mouth with a hand to hide his grin. Spock liked to keep his emotions close, but his daemon had always told a different story.

“What is it?” Spock asked.

“Perhaps your scientists would like to see our research facilities?” Uot suggested. Spock just barely restrained his blink of enthusiasm. “And you are a man of healing, yes?”

“I am,” Leonard said, fingering his tricorder. Kaira sat on his shoulder. Her talons burned where they touched him, but he needed it. Rae kept staring at her, his eyestalks constantly moving.

“Would you be interested in seeing our medical facilities?” Uot rested two of his hands on the table top.

“Let's do that,” Jim said. “Spock, you and Scotty can check out the science facilities, and I'll go with Doctor McCoy to see their medical technology.” He stood, pulling Leonard up with him. Leonard pulled his arm free and straightened his shirt. Uot stood and beckoned them to follow him. It. Leonard wasn't sure, but at least Uot didn't have one eye on Kaira when he talked. “Meet back here in two hours.”

“Aye, cap'n,” Scotty said. His koala draped over his shoulder, eyes half lidded. Scotty bumped her gently. “Oi. Seriously. You're embarrassing us. What if they can hear?”

“I assure you, Mr Scott, your thoughts are still your own,” Spock said, scooping his daemon from the table. “We will return shortly with more data.”

“See? Good plan. I make good plans.” Jim and Leonard followed Uot from the conference room and back out into sunlight.

“I didn't say anything, Jim,” Leonard pointed out. Jim smiled.

“You were thinking it. How are you feeling? Concentration all right?” Jim stopped abruptly, and Aakhai trotted around the corner. Jim crouched and Aakhai plodded right up to him, accepting Jim's light cuff on the head with exuberant pleasure. Jim murmured to the golden retriever, and Leonard quickly averted his eyes. One simply didn't eavesdrop on conversations with another's daemon.

Leonard followed Uot, and Jim caught up with them as they passed into another building.

“You will, of course, be invited to a celebratory dinner tonight,” Uot said, ushering them into what appeared to be a clean room. “With the town leaders.”

“That's fine. We're here for the immediate future. I'm authorised to perform initial negotiations, but anything concrete will have to go through our trained team once I give Starfleet the go ahead.” Jim let Leonard in front of him, and stepped into the room. “What is this?”

“This is one of our standard procedural rooms. Patients come here to be diagnosed and directed to the proper specialist.” Uot gestured to what appeared to be a cot. “Have a seat, captain?”

Jim glanced at Leonard, and Leonard moved forward, eying the contraption. He ran his hands over the surface, watching a display screen jump upon his touch. It appeared to function much like a biobed, reading the signatures of a life form. It felt like any other synthetic material would feel. 

“Go ahead, Jim,” Leonard said, stepping back. Jim grinned and hopped onto the bed.

The output monitor nearly shut itself down in its confusion. Leonard watched as it tried to read Jim's biosigns and failed, unable to find an analogous physiology within its database. Finally it flickered between what Leonard could only assume was a Nareel with two arms amputated, and a pregnant female.

“Congratulations, Jim,” he said. “You're going to have a boy.”

“Hah,” Jim said, eyes also on the monitor. “That's not a bad approximation of the human anatomy. What else does it do?”

“It gathers your information and stores it automatically into our database for future reference,” Uot said, waving an arm towards a computer at the far wall of the room. “It is already running a sequencing of your DNA, in order to determine any pre-existing conditions you may possess.”

“Oh. If we wait for that we're going to be here for the next five years,” Jim said.

“Where's the connections?” Leonard asked. “I don't see the monitor wired to the bed.”

“There are no wires,” Uot said. Leonard frowned.

“You can transmit that much simultaneous data without a direct connection?” Leonard walked to the monitor and twisted it, looking for a power wire or output. “This isn't even plugged into a power source.”

“We have achieved wireless energy transfer,” Uot said without a change in his tone.

Jim and Leonard shared a look.

“Come again?” Jim slid from the bed.

“We have achieved wireless energy transfer,” Uot repeated. “Do you not possess such technology?”

“We most certainly do not,” Jim said. “I think we may have something to discuss at the negotiation table.”

“Indeed we may,” Uot said. “Will you explain your animal companions? I must admit, we are quite intrigued by them. We have never seen anything like it.”

“The animals are part of our physiology,” Leonard said. “There's still intense debate over their exact role, but they are intimately connected with us. Some people think they represent our mortal 'soul'.” Leonard couldn't keep the disdain out of his voice. “Other people think they're an extension of our own bodies. Some of the nuttier groups think they're remnants of past earth, animals that were lassoed to us as punishment for mistreating the planet.”

Jim shrugged. “Nobody really knows. The research is still very much active, but nothing is conclusive as of yet. As with all science, there is always new data and changing equations.”

“You do not see the tether?” Uot asked, his head tilting awkwardly. His eyestalks swirled, leering at Leonard and Kaira.

“What tether?”

Uot reached with two of his hands, and Leonard just barely knocked them down. “It is a grievous breach of protocol to touch a human's animal companion,” Leonard said, forcing the rehearsed line out between clenched teeth. Kaira bristled at the close call, and kept her peregrine eyes on Uot as he slid back.

Jim stepped between them, hands up. “We can continue this discussion over treaty talks. I don't think it is wise to divulge anything else about our species until we've moved further into negotiations. I'm sure you understand.”

“I agree. Further data collection is necessary, and shall be obtained at a future time,” Uot concurred. “Would it interest you to see the rest of the facility?”

“It's about time to head back and meet up with the rest of our ground team,” Jim said. He let his hand rest on Aakhai's ruff. “We have to get ready for the party tonight. If there's one thing can be said about my crew, it's that we know how to have a good time.”

“I am not treating any hang overs,” Leonard said under his breath as they made their way back to the meeting place. Jim ignored him.

They met up with Scotty and Spock just outside the building. Scotty was on comm with Fritjof.

“You wouldn't believe the size of their neutralisation cores!” he said excitedly.

“Aye, sir. I'm sure it will function very well aboard a starship.” Fritjof's voice rumbled over the comm unit.

“You couldn't wait until we were back on the ship?” Jim asked, exasperated. Scotty beamed at him.

“I had to ask about a particular metal's ionic structure to comprehend how their power system functions,” Scotty said without an ounce of shame. His koala hung from his arm, blinking up at Leonard, utterly content. “I doubt I could recreate it without help from the Nareel's scientists, but the practical implications are infinite. Their power is literally unlimited. Perfect transfer of energy. We still lose almost 5% of the energy during transfer and conversion.”

“If you wish, we can arrange some schematics for your perusal during the banquet tonight,” Rae said. “I am sure your Science Officer would find it most helpful.”

“That would be great,” Jim said. “How big would you like our landing party to be for the ceremony?”

“Ten would be sufficient,” Rae said. Jim nodded.

“My second team will be on their way down after we leave. I look forward to seeing you tonight,” Jim said.

Rae nodded, and Jim gave a slight bow. He straightened and nodded to Scotty.

“Four to beam up,” Scotty said.

Leonard wasn't expecting the gaping emptiness that slammed into his chest like a mallet. Kaira was so startled she fell from his shoulders, and he just barely caught her. His skin no longer burned where it touched her, and he was inside his own head, with his own thoughts.

“Head rush,” Scotty said, summing up everything. He dropped to his knees, and Leonard fell after him, staggered by the utter _silence_.

Jim gripped Leonard's arm and yanked him hard, off the transporter pad and onto the floor of the room. Spock dropped Scotty on the floor with even less decorum, his phaser out and aimed.

“Jim! Get your hands off me-” Leonard's voice died in his throat when he saw exactly what Jim pointed his phaser at.

“That's no way to treat your CMO, Jim.” Standing on the fifth beaming station was Leonard McCoy himself. Only not himself, Leonard realised with growing horror.

“State your identity and purpose on my ship,” Jim said. Aakhai stood over Leonard's legs, hair raised and hackles back.

“He's got no daemon,” Kaira whispered, pressing close to his throat. Leonard held her there, fighting the rising nausea.

“I'm not threat to you. I'm just here to observe,” McCoy said. “You can put the phaser away, Jim. You don't want to shoot me.”

“I will fire upon any threat to my ship and my crew. Who sent you?” Jim asked.

“Nobody,” McCoy said. “I came of my own accord. I'm merely here to observe.”

“Final warning. State your purpose and who sent you or I will fire,” Jim said, shifting slightly forward in anticipation.

“I'm here to observe,” McCoy said. He took one step down from the pad.

Jim fired.


	3. don't leave me alone at this time

_don't leave me alone at this time  
for i am afraid of what i will discover inside_

...*...

The shot hit McCoy in the leg, leaving a smoking patch of uniform. McCoy glanced down, surprise lighting across his face. The phaser wound healed instantly, and Jim's arm slackened in disbelief. “Jim-” McCoy stepped down, sorrow inscribed on his features.

“ _Don't_ come one step closer.” Jim stood swiftly, planting himself between McCoy and Leonard. “Spock.”

Spock slipped behind McCoy and delivered a precise nerve pinch, dropping the impostor into an undignified heap on the floor. Scotty scurried back from the body, and Leonard felt the ground quake around him as Fritjof moved from his station.

“The brig, captain?” The armoured bear stood, his enourmous bulk filling the suddenly tight room.

“If you would,” Jim said. The bear bowed slightly and scooped up the unconscious McCoy before trundling into the hall. Jim turned to give Leonard a hand up, and Leonard was surprised to feel it shake.

“You all right?” Leonard asked quietly. Jim was pale, unnaturally so.

“Fine. I'm fine.” Jim patted his arm absently, giving him a slight nudge towards the door. “Get to Medical. Post mission physical. Hop to it, doctor.”

Leonard frowned, but couldn't say anything as Jim was already at the transporter console, going over readings with Scotty. Aakhai sat at the door, staring at Leonard unashamedly, his tongue lolling. His beady little eyes followed Leonard out the door, and Kaira twisted her head to stare right back at him, irritated.

“He's up to something,” she said.

“He's always up to something,” Leonard said. The doors to MedBay slid open for him and he flagged Chapel down. She approached, her massive St Bernard daemon trailing after her with a satchel on his side. “Care to do my physical?”

“With pleasure, Doctor,” Chapel said, a sly grin lifting her lips. She waved him to a biobed and he sat as she gathered the necessary equipment. “I heard a rumour that you have a twin.”

Leonard started, and scowled at her. “How did you hear that? It's been on board all of two minutes.”

“I heard it from Natasha who heard it from Lillinan who heard it from Brign who heard it from Scotty,” Chapel said, pricking his arm for a blood sample. He winced, resisting the urge to slap her hand away. Her daemon was nosing around Kaira, checking her for anomalies.

“I refuse to believe the rumour mill spins that fast,” Leonard said, taking the cotton ball from her hand to press to the seeping needle hole.

“Whether you believe it or not has no bearing on the reality,” Chapel said reasonably. She gave his arm a light smack. “Initial scans are fine. I'll get your blood tests back shortly and then I can let you go.” She nodded to her daemon and he trotted off with the vial of Leonard's blood in mouth.

“I keep telling you, that's going to contaminate the samples,” Leonard said, watching the clever beast place the vial into the proper machine and start the analysis.

“The day it does, I'll stop doing it,” Chapel said. “There's no reason he can't help. It's like having an extra set of hands. I'm sure your falcon is advantageous during surgeries. Her eyesight is much better than yours.”

Leonard grunted, defeated. The machine pinged, and the St Bernard brought Chapel the results. She smiled. “You're clean. I can release you. See if you can't get the captain down here before next week. I have things to do besides chase him around the ship for a routine physical.”

“I'll take care of it. He just doesn't like when you wave those hypos around,” Leonard said.

“The man gets into bar brawls with Klingons and can't sit still to get a check up.” Chapel shook her head. “Will that be all, Doctor?”

“Yes, Chapel,” Leonard said, reaching for his padd. Chapel let out a sharp squeak and dropped her paperwork. Leonard followed her gaze and started.

“ _Jesus_.” Leonard had to look away. “Christine, call security.”

“Jeremy!” Chapel's daemon bolted for a comm panel.

McCoy stood in the doorway, smiling kindly. “Hello, Leonard. I came to see you.”

Leonard stood straight, pushing Chapel behind him. “How did you get out? You're supposed to be in the brig.”

“I cannot observe from there. There are too few sentient beings,” McCoy said, looking around the room. “This is your medical facility?”

“Stay where you are,” Leonard said sharply. On his shoulder, Kaira bristled, lifting her feathers in warning. McCoy paid no heed, wandering into the room with great interest. He made no move to assault them, but ran his hands over the machines with something approaching reverence.

Sulu and one of his security officers ran into the room, sliding to a halt when they saw McCoy and Leonard. Sulu froze, unsure how to assess the situation. His officer had no such qualms. She stalked up to McCoy and punched him, so hard Leonard flinched. McCoy hit the ground with a solid thud.

“Threat neutralised,” the Nausciaan said.

“Laethe. I keep telling you, you can't just put your fist through every threat,” Sulu said, exasperated. He strode to his officer and nudged her aside. “You can do some serious damage.”

“He was a threat. I neutralised the threat. I do not understand.” She folded armoured arms over her chest. “That is what you call 'self-defence', is it not?”

“What you just did was not self-defence,” Sulu said, checking McCoy's pulse. “Definitely nowhere near self-defence.” Sulu paused, seeing Leonard's stricken expression, and Chapel's closed stance. He stood, drawing level with the Nausciaan. “Thank you.”

“Humans confuse me,” Laethe said. The ridges lining her face coloured slightly as she stepped back, attempting to stand at attention while Sulu and Leonard checked the unconscious alien.

“We're lucky she didn't bash his skull in,” Leonard said, crouching beside Sulu. His skin crawled where he pressed fingers to McCoy's throat, checking a pulse. Kaira slid from his shoulder to the floor with a flutter, shifting behind Leonard so she wouldn't have to see McCoy laid out on the floor.

“That's my officer you're talking about,” Sulu said in warning. His pristine white snow fox arched her back, fur rippling. Leonard heeded the message and focused on the him that had just become his patient. “She was protecting the crew, as is her job.”

Leonard said nothing as he and Sulu hoisted McCoy onto a biobed. Chapel stood to the side, her fist tight in her daemon's ruff. “Chapel, get me a cranial scan,” Leonard said. Chapel said nothing, staring at the prone figure on the bed. “ _Nurse_!”

She snapped to action, tugging over a monitor to display McCoy's skull. “Nothing is even cracked, Doctor,” she said after scanning the read out.

“You.” Leonard jerked a finger at the Nausciaan. “Get out of my Infirmary.”

“Excuse me, Doctor McCoy,” Sulu cut in sharply. “You have no authority to speak to my officer like that.”

“I could punch you too,” Laethe said, cocking her head. “Give you a bruise to match your twin.”

Kaira hissed, and Sulu pushed himself between them. “Laethe, you're dismissed. Thank you for your assistance.”

The Nausicaan turned and stalked from MedBay, silence in her wake. Sulu cleared his throat. “Look, McCoy, I know you're weirded out but that's no reason to-”

“I don't want her in MedBay again. She is too capable of putting people here.”

“She's a trusted officer of this ship, McCoy-”

“She's too violent!” Leonard cut him off. “I won't have bar brawls in my work center. Unless she's injured, I want her away from this floor of the ship.”

Sulu saluted him sharply, and walked out of the room with his fox trailing behind him. Chapel shifted slightly.

“Sir-”

“You're relieved, Nurse. Go get some rest,” Leonard said. He didn't wait to see if she had obeyed. He dragged himself to his office and shut the door behind him. He dropped into his chair and lowered his head into his hands. Kaira pressed against his chin.

“Calm down,” she murmured. Leonard drew his fingers through her feathers. “That's not you. The creature on the bed isn't you. I'm with you, Leonard.”

“I cain't calm down 'til that _thing_ is off the ship,” Leonard said, breathing harshly. “It doesn't belong here.”

Kaira nipped his ear. “Calm down. That's not a suggestion.”

He flinched back from her, rubbing the hurt cartilage sullenly. He pouted, and Kaira blithely ignored him. “You're the chief medical officer on a Starfleet ship,” she said with a swish of her tail. “You will conduct yourself professionally. And I think you owe the Nausicaan an apology.”

“She knows she doesn't belong in the medical wing,” Leonard said. Kaira bit his ear again, harder this time. He actually yelped, swatting at her.

“Just like you didn't belong on that dingy shuttle four years ago,” Kaira said. “Jim hand picks his crew. You know that. She wouldn't be here if she were a threat. You were out of line.”

Leonard sighed, fingering the tips of her wing feathers. She was right. She was always right. “Fine. Once we figure out what this thing is, I'll go see her,” Leonard said.

“See who?”

Leonard glanced up to see Jim in his doorway. Aakhai trotted into the room, snuffling around Leonard's medical texts (honest to god, bound books). It was almost casual, save the sharp lines of Aakhai's muscles held taut, as if ready for action.

“One of Sulu's officers,” Leonard said, leaning back in his chair. Jim entered the room, approaching the desk. Before Leonard could say anything, Jim reached out and brushed his fingers along his ear.

“Did she bite you?” Jim asked sharply. “You're bleeding, Bones.”

Leonard glared at Kaira, who had the grace to look sheepish. “It's fine. We were just talking.” He lifted a hand to his ear and his fingers came away specked with red. Nothing serious.

“You'd tell me, Bones, right?” Jim asked suddenly. “If it wasn't? Fine, that is?”

He looked so unsure. So unlike the cocky Captain James Tiberius Kirk in that instant that Leonard found himself at a loss for words. Kaira and Aakhai stared at each other. “Yeah, kid,” Leonard finally said, when he could get his mouth around the words. “I'd tell you.”

He patted Jim's side before standing. Jim didn't move. Leonard paused. “Jim?”

“You know I'd never betray you,” Jim said. His fingers grazed Leonard's desk. “I wouldn't.”

“I know,” Leonard said, narrowing his eyes. He exhaled, taking in Jim's pallor.

“I shot you,” Jim said quietly. “I didn't even hesitate. My gun was out before I even knew what was on the pad.”

“That wasn't me, Jim,” Leonard said. “You recognised a threat to your crew and acted like a captain.”

“It has your face,” Jim said.

“I know you'd never hurt me, Jim,” Leonard said. “I trust you. Hell, you were protecting me when you fired. Give yourself some credit.”

Jim set his jaw. Aakhai nudged his hand and Jim ran his fingers through the dog's thick fur. His eyes honed in on the spot he had shot McCoy. Leonard's skin was mark free, but he wouldn't lift his gaze. Leonard reached out, cupping Jim's head. He ruffled the kid's hair. “Hey.” He forced Jim to meet his eyes. “I trust you. Why else would I have followed you out here in this floating tin can?”

Jim gave him a trembling shadow of his shit-eating grin. “Don't let her hear you say that. She's temperamental.”

“That's not funny,” Leonard said, dropping his hand. Jim rolled his shoulders and grabbed a padd from Leonard's desk. “Nothing conclusive has come back yet. As far as I can tell, he's human. At least the biobeds read him as human.”

“The biobeds can detect daemons?” Jim asked, turning the padd on its side. Leonard watched him pull up a full body scan.

“Not directly. They can detect the bond between the human and animal. The biobed isn't even registering that anomaly. It's like he's normal,” Leonard said. He moved to the glass wall of his office, staring at his unconscious doppleganger.

“Loads of humans are separated from the daemons,” Jim said. “Maybe his bond is stretched.”

“I said 'normal', Jim,” Leonard said, rolling his eyes. “The scans show-”

“Stretched bonds are considered normal,” Jim said over him, setting the padd back on the desk. “Their rights were established in the Thomas James Act of 1997AD.”

“Statistically speaking. If you consider one percent of the population normative,” Leonard said. “That's a bit of a far fetched baseline, though. You know math. Come on, Jim. Admit it's a bit scary. Just look at how the crew reacted to... other me.”

“Don't be an ass,” Jim said, his voice quiet.

“I just don't like seeing myself like... that,” Leonard said. He closed his eyes and shuddered. Kaira let out a soft sound, echoing his distress.

“Chapel did my post mission physical,” Jim said. Leonard raised an eyebrow.

“You voluntarily came down for a physical?” Leonard boggled. “Wait. Why did you have Chapel do it?”

“Obviously you wouldn't want to,” Jim said. He moved to the door. “I want the reports of all the ground team on my desk by tonight. Before dinner.”

Leonard sat in shock as Jim left his office. Kaira stared after him. “What just happened?”

“I think he's angry at us,” Kaira said, tilting her head.

“Why would he be angry with us?” Leonard leaned back in his chair. Kaira gave a small lift of her wings, the closest thing she could get to a shrug. Leonard sighed. “I suppose we have to track down Scotty and Spock.”


	4. within the fragile substance of my soul

_cause you told me that i would find a hole  
within the fragile substance of my soul_

...*...

Leonard managed to get the reports in to Jim before the deadline, after performing Spock's in a hallway. The Vulcan was worse than Jim sometimes at avoiding physicals.

Leonard took dinner in his room that night, feeling too awkward from his earlier conversation with Jim to meet him in the mess. Kaira picked at his food idly while he stared at the wall. Leonard reached for a padd. If he was going to mope at least he could be productive about it. He updated the Federation's database with the Nareel, creating an article in the species encyclopedia.

“Did you notice any ears?” Leonard asked absently. Kaira cocked her head.

“No. I think they had cilia. I noticed a small hole just under what would be considered their jaw on either side of Rae's face,” she said. She hobbled to the padd, peering at it. “Typo there.”

“Don't be obnoxious,” Leonard said, changing it quickly. Kaira puffed up her chest.

“Pot, kettle,” was all she had to say. Leonard scowled and cuffed her head gently. She nipped at his hand playfully.

“Medical to Doctor McCoy.”

The comm startled them, and Leonard pushed himself up from the table reluctantly. “Go for McCoy.”

“Sir, it's... it's Nurse Chapel, sir.”

All other noise in the room fuzzed into white noise in his hears. “What is it?”

“She collapsed in the middle of Medical, sir, and she's non-responsive to any-”

“I'm on my way.” Leonard punched the comm off and was halfway out the door before Kaira caught up with him, landing on his outstretched arm.

He stormed into Medical, forcibly ignoring McCoy, who was upright in his biobed and just _staring_ at Leonard as he walked past. Doctor Flannigan stood by Chapel's biobed, a padd in his hands. He caught sight of Leonard and hurried to his side.

“Oh thank god. This is like nothing I've ever seen before-”

Leonard knew instantly what he meant. Jeremy had wedged himself onto Chapel's cot and was fully alert, whining pathetically, trying to get his partner's attention. A sick human normally disabled or knocked out their daemon with them, and to see Jeremy cognizant while Chapel was unconscious was an anomaly Leonard had never seen before.

“Get a hold of yourself, doctor,” Leonard said. “You're a professional. Act like it.”

He'd have to talk to her daemon.

It was simple as that.

Kaira dug her talons into his shoulder at the thought. “Clear the area,” Leonard said.

Doctor Flannigan didn't need to be told twice. He motioned the other nurse from the area and closed the privacy curtains around Leonard and Chapel. Leonard pulled a chair close to the bedside and sat in it. Kaira hopped from his shoulder to the biobed, catching Jeremy's eyes. The somber St Bernard stared at Leonard.

“Hello, Jeremy,” he said.

“Hello, Doctor McCoy.”

Leonard took a moment to reorient himself at hearing the gruff, male voice issue from the dog. He knew logically that daemons talked. Kaira argued with him routinely. He had seen Jim fighting with Aakhai on more than one occasion, though had never actually heard the retriever's voice.

“What we say here stays between us, okay? This goes under patient-doctor confidentiality. I need to know what happened. Can you tell me?” Leonard asked.

“We were just going to check on your double,” Jeremy said, nodding his head towards McCoy's bed on the other side of the curtain. “Christine started to feel dizzy and warm, but she thought it was just the air flow. I didn't feel anything. She just dropped. There was no warning.”

Kaira fluttered over Chapel's prone form and nuzzled up to Jeremy, throwing a wing over his paw in comfort.

“I know it's hard, but did you do anything differently today? Anything that might have caused this?” Leonard asked.

“Nothing. Nothing that I can think of.” Jeremy stared at his partner. “We had shellfish for lunch. That's it.”

“I guess we'll start there,” Leonard said. Kaira lit on his shoulder as he stood. “Thank you, Jeremy. I know this must be hard for you. We'll do our best to get you back on your feet.”

“Thank you, Doctor. We have know you will,” Jeremy said.

Leonard pushed through the privacy curtains and almost ran into Doctor Flannigan. “Quarantine the bed. Nobody goes in except me.”

“Aye, sir. What about-” Flannigan wavered on his feet. Leonard reached out to steady him. Flannigan blinked, surprised. His chameleon twisted both eyes at him. “That was odd.”

“What?” Leonard asked urgently. “Talk to me, doctor.”

“Is it warm in here or is that just me?” Flannigan's grip tightened on his arm. Leonard opened his mouth, but Flannigan's eyes rolled up in the back of his head and he dropped. Leonard just managed to prevent the man's head from cracking against the floor.

One of the other nurses ran to him, but Leonard waved him back swiftly. “No! Stay back. It's contagious! Quarantine MedBay now! Code Gamma!”

The nurse sprinted to the main doors and keyed the override to shut them.

“Bones! What the hell is going on down there?” Jim's voice crackled through the comm unit.

Leonard didn't have time to answer him. He lifted Flannigan's body into his arms and hauled him to a free bed. The nurse answered for him.

“Doctor McCoy has issued a Code Gamma in Medical Bay,” he said.

“I know that, nurse. Get him on the comm,” Jim said. Leonard flicked the privacy curtains over Flannigan's bed before moving to a wall unit.

“I'm here, Jim,” he said.

“Bones! What happened?” The relief was audible. Leonard rolled his eyes.

“Chapel collapsed, and shortly after her attending physician took a header. I don't know what it is. There's nothing in the bloodwork or initial scans. I need more time, but from what I can see this thing is moving fast.” Leonard leaned against the wall.

“I'm coming down.”

“No, Jim. Don't be an idiot. If it's contagious, the last thing I need is for it to get out into the rest of the ship. I'm going to contain it was well as I can for now. You just stay up in your room and do your captain thing,” Leonard said. He looked up to see McCoy staring at him, unmoving on his cot.

“Do you think the Nareel have something to do with it?” Jim asked. “I've got a ground team down there in negotiations. Do I need to pull them back?”

“I'd sooner think my double is responsible,” Leonard said. “The chances of a human contracting a disease that evolved on a different planet is slim to none. Jim... He won't stop staring at me.”

“You're a hard man to pull eyes from, Bones,” Jim said, feigning lightheartedness. “Be safe.”

“I always am,” Leonard said, closing off their circuit. He glared at McCoy. “Got a problem?”

“You are a healer,” McCoy said. “What happens when you cannot heal?”

“No such instance,” Leonard said, pushing away from the wall. “I'm the best damn trauma surgeon in the galaxy.”

“Not everyone can be healed,” McCoy said.

“I don't lose patients. Now be quiet so I can do my job.” Leonard moved toward the section of Medical where the non-intensive patients were resting. Their already weakened immune systems wouldn't be able to handle the onslaught of whatever had taken out Chapel and Flannigan.

“Leonard.” Kaira slapped him with a wing, and he turned in time to see McCoy moving towards the door.

“Stop! You can't go out there!” Leonard took a step.

McCoy phased through the door as if walking through air.

Leonard's jaw fell open.

“Leonard! Containment breach!” Kaira urged. “Get to the comm.”

She leapt from his shoulders and hit one of the comm panels. Leonard lurched after her as the red alert sounded. “Quarantine breach, Medical Level. I repeat, Quarantine breach.”

“Get security down there in biohazard suits yesterday.” Jim's voice cut into the blaring sirens of red alert. “I'm coming, Bones.”

“Don't, Jim! It's not safe, damn it!” Leonard hissed in frustration. “Stay where you are. I'm already exposed. Let security do their job.”

Jim swore, and Leonard could hear Aakhai whine on the other side of the line. “I'm not leaving you down there alone, Bones,” he said, voice rough.

“I'm not alone. I have Kaira,” Leonard said. She nudged his ear. “I mean it, Jim. Follow protocol or I'll come up there and give you a whooping you'll never forget.”

“Kinky,” Jim said. “Security is almost to you, Bones. It'll be all right.”

“You don't have to tell me that,” Leonard said, irritated. “I'm more than capable of handling a plague.”

“Doctor! Doctor McCoy!” Someone banged on the door to Medical. Leonard cut the comm line and moved to the main doorway.

Gaila stood outside, red curls slipping free of a hastily drawn together ponytail. “Doctor! You must help.”

“Gaila, we're under quarantine. I can't let you in,” Leonard said, raising his voice to be heard through the door. She pressed her palms to the door.

“It's Hikaru! He's collapsed. Lyra's frantic, and I can't wake him up,” Gaila said. “Please, Leonard.”

A case outside the Medical Bay. The chances of the pathogen existing in the ship air supply skyrocketed. If that was the case, there was a probability that half the crew was infected already. And the incubation time appeared to be unreasonably fast. If the symptoms remained as tame as they displayed in Chapel, then he had time to figure out what the hell was going on.

As long as it didn't get any worse.

“Captain, I have full containment breach. It's impossible to tell how far this has spread,” Leonard said over the comm lines. “I have an immediate victim on deck-”

“Three,” Gaila supplied.

“-three. That's a full three levels above Medical. I think it's safe to say the entire ship is compromised,” Leonard said. Kaira shuddered on his shoulder.

“All right. Red alert is cleared. Nobody leaves the ship. Starting ship wide broadcast.”

Jim's voice rang over the intercom system. “This is the captain speaking. We are currently under a ship wide quarantine. There is to be no contact with the Nareel, and no missions to the surface until we can get the incident under containment. Health concerns are to be immediately reported to Medical. Keep the communication lines open. Emergencies only.”

The comm clicked off, and the doors to Medical slid open with a hiss. Gaila reached for Leonard's hand and tugged him along. She led him to her quarters, and the door opened to reveal Sulu lying motionless on the floor, his white fox daemon curled against his throat.

Leonard crouched beside him. Sure enough, Sulu displayed the exact same symptoms as Chapel and Flannigan. Grasping Sulu's chin, Leonard turned his head from side to side, checking his breathing. His skin felt unnaturally hot, as if he were running a low grade fever.

“I need a stretcher to living quarter B45,” Leonard said into his comm. An unknown voice acknowledged his order.

“What's wrong with him?” Gaila asked, kneeling beside Leonard.

“Not sure yet. I haven't had a chance to isolate it yet. We're dropping like flies,” Leonard said, trying to fight back his rising anxiety. “I don't even know how it's spread.”

“What do you need, Leonard?” Gaila asked. “What can I do?”

“Do you know her?” Leonard nodded to the white fox nestled against Sulu's skin. Gaila nodded slowly. “Comfort her. She needs it.”

Gaila reached for the fox and scooped her up. The fox let out a terrible whine, but quieted against Gaila's chest. She held the fox close, murmuring softly into her fur.

The stretcher was a disaster. The first officer into the room stumbled and collapsed, dragging the stretcher and the second officer on top of him. Gaila gasped, moving out of the way just in time to avoid being crushed.

“Leonard, what's happening?” Gaila asked.

Leonard heaved the officer onto his back. Same symptoms. His bulldog daemon howled.

It was an epidemic.


	5. and i have filled this void with things unreal

_and i have filled this void with things unreal  
and all the while my character it steals_

...*...

Leonard collapsed into his chair. It was nearly three in the morning, ship time, and he hadn't slept. He stared at the computer monitoring life signs. Green dots signified healthy officers. Red dots indicated a fallen crew member. Leonard could do nothing but watch as one by one green turned to red.

They had initiated full quarantine, keeping everyone inside their quarters until further notice. That hadn't slowed the spread. The green dots still became red dots with alarming frequency. Leonard's only consolation was the symptoms weren't getting worse.

“You need to sleep,” Kaira said, her voice a whisper in the quiet.

“Not until I know what's going on,” Leonard said.

“We're no good to anyone dead on our feet.”

“Don't use that word,” Leonard said.

“Sorry.”

Kaira fell silent, eyes fixed on the screen as another two fell on the fourth level. Leonard had never felt so helpless in his life.

Once he realised there was nothing he could do to prevent the spread, he had started trying a mix of agents on Christine, to try and get a reaction out of her. Jeremy had been exceedingly patient, answering his repetitive questions over and over to no results. Christine hadn't so much as stirred the entire time. The look on Jeremy's face when Leonard had finally stood to leave was so heartbreaking Leonard almost reached out to pet him. He stopped himself just in time.

Leonard had locked himself in his office with a padd, trying to figure out the next course of action.

Kaira's head jerked up. Whatever she heard, Leonard couldn't, and she flew to the door to open it. Leonard leapt to his feet.

Aakhai bolted into the room with a harsh bark.

“Where's Jim?” Leonard could barely speak around the solid lump in his throat. “Aakhai!”

Aakhai came right up to Leonard and grabbed his trousers in his teeth, almost pulling Leonard off his feet. Aakhai whined something heart wrenching. “Where's Jim? Why aren't you together?”

“We're stretched,” Aakhai said, a very male voice issuing from the dog's mouth. “We're stretched, and he's collapsed, Bones. I don't know what to do-”

“Okay, it's all right. Everyone else is-”

“No!” Aakhai cut him off. “This is different. He's running a fever and he won't stop shaking.”

“Take me to him, Aakhai.” Leonard stumbled in his haste. He reached for a kit and missed, but Kaira swooped behind him and grabbed it in her talons. They ran through the ship, and Aakhai led them to Jim's quarters. He pawed the door open and Leonard threw himself inside.

Jim was crumpled on the floor, and when Leonard reached for him he could feel heat radiating off his captain in waves. “Damn it, Jim,” Leonard said. “You can't do anything average, can you?”

With Aakhai's help, he turned Jim onto his back. “Get me a cold cloth,” Leonard said to Aakhai.

Kaira followed him into the bathroom, far enough that Leonard felt the familiar tug in his chest. He spared a moment to get eyes on her location before sliding his fingers along the ties of Jim's tunic. He pushed back the fabric as Aakhai and Kaira returned with dripping towels in their grips.

“Here and here.” Leonard pointed to Jim's forehead and throat. He fixed the positioning of the cloths and drew a sedative from his bag.

“Bones...” Jim's eyes flickered.

“Hush, Jim. I've got you,” Leonard said. Jim's hand grasped Leonard's sleeve, hanging on. Leonard squeezed his hand briefly. “I'm putting you out. We've got to get you to Medical. You have a dangerous fever.”

He wasn't sure who he was speaking to. Aakhai watched him unblinkingly, muscles coiled tight under fur. Kaira sat beside him, eyes sharp on Leonard's hands. Leonard pressed the hypo to Jim's neck and triggered it. Jim's eyes rolled up and he fell still, his fingers sliding from Leonard's sleeve. Leonard pushed his hand through Jim's hair once before standing.

He walked to the comm unit. Heart pounding, he pressed the system. “If there is anyone left, I need help in the captain's quarters on deck six. I need an escort to Medical. The captain is ill. Please respond.”

He pressed his forehead to the wall, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. He was the only one left. The only one who hadn't fallen to this strange, terrifying disease. The wall vibrated with the hum of the the empty ship.

No. It vibrated with the pattern of heavy footfalls. Leonard pushed away from the wall, eyes wide as Fritjof's enormous bulk filled the entryway. “Sir,” he rumbled.

Leonard had never been so happy to see the armoured bear in his life. He just barely maintained his composure, did _not_ throw himself at the beast, and stepped back from the door.

“We have to get the captain to Medical. He needs immediate treatment-” Leonard trailed off as another shadow fell across the door.

A tall, slender Caitian with sleek orange fur stepped into the room, head held high. She wore engineering reds, and her tail swished behind her. She flicked auburn hair over her shoulder and saluted. “Lieutenant M'Ress, reporting for duty, sir.”

Gaila was right behind her, followed by Sulu's Nausicaan. The ship's one Bolian stood awkwardly in the hall, beside the Yridian. Moxie stumbled into the room, out of breath. “Sorry!” she said, “I was dragging one of the cadets off the turbines when you called. Clear opposite side of the ship.”

“You're all still standing,” Leonard said, trying to get his head around it.

“You're still standing too, human,” the Nausicaan said. _Human_.

They were alien.

They were unaffected.

“It's only hitting the humans,” Leonard said. He blinked. “You're the only non-human crew we have?”

They looked around. Moxie shrugged. “The Federation was started by humans and Vulcans. It makes sense the crews would be predominately human.”

“There may be more who couldn't respond to the call,” Gaila said. “But I think we're it. As far as non-human species are concerned.”

Fritjof picked Jim off the floor easily, cradling him to his massive chest. “Doctor,” he said.

“Let's regroup in Medical,” Leonard said. “There's more room and I need to get Jim stabalised.”

The journey to Medical was like something out of a horror holo. The halls were littered with fallen human crew; their daemons crying in distress. The sound was overwhelming, and every cat daemon M'Ress passed brought tears to her eyes. They entered Medical silently, until the doors hissed shut and M'Ress yelped.

Leonard turned in time to see Gaila wrap M'Ress in her arms as the Moxie slapped the controls to the door. M'Ress' tail had gotten pinched in the doors when they shut. She buried her face in Gaila's shoulder, and when the door slid back open, the Moxie grabbed her tail out of the way.

“Are you all right?” Leonard asked. “What happened?”

“The door closed on her tail _again_ ,” Gaila said.

“Does... Does that happen often?” Leonard asked.

“The Enterprise was designed by humans, and humans don't have tails,” Gaila said. “The sensors that hold the doors open aren't sensitive enough to detect a tail. I've tried to hack into the system and adjust the time lapse on the doors but every time I fix it, an auto-update from San Fransisco overrides it again.”

“Why haven't I heard about this before now?” Leonard asked.

“No offense, Leonard, but did you even know M'Ress was on the ship before now?” Gaila asked, petting M'Ress' hair back.

He hadn't. Before now he hadn't seen any of the aliens on their ship save Gaila and the Nausicaan security officer. Sure he had her medical file, but he had only given it a cursory glance. She didn't have any allergies or special needs. The sheer number of crew had forced him to disregard her file.

“Let me look at it.” Leonard stepped forward. M'Ress pulled herself back from Gaila and straightened her shoulders. Her tail swished out of Leonard's reach.

“I'm fine, sir. I'm used to it,” she said. Leonard stared as she moved further into Medbay.

She shouldn't have to be used to it.

“Have you told Jim about it?” Leonard asked.

“I try not to contact Jim more than I have to,” Gaila said stiffly. “Spock's been in conversation with Starfleet about their policy regarding automatic updates to an on-mission ship. He-”

She cut herself off, eyes going wide.

“Spock! He's only half-human! Where is he?” Gaila grabbed Leonard's arm. “Has he come here yet?”

“No. He hasn't.” For some reason Leonard found his eyes drifting to Aakhai, who caught his look and then bounded towards the door. “Come on!”

Leonard followed Aakhai into the ship, hopping over fallen crew with Gaila close behind him. The door to Spock's quarters was shut and locked. Aakhai stood before it, panting.

“Captain's over-”

“Medical override priority,” Leonard cut Aakhai off as Gaila caught up with them. Spock's door slid open and Gaila all but threw herself inside. Leonard took a step and had to stop.

“Gaila,” Spock said. “You should not be here.”

He was propped against the side of the bed, as if he had fallen and was unable to get up. Nyota sprawled on the floor, across his lap, completely unconscious. His hand rested in her hair.

“Why didn't you call me?” Gaila asked, falling to her knees at his side.

“We did not want you exposed,” Spock said with effort. He leaned his head against the bed, sweat glinting on his face. “Nyota fell-”

He cut himself off, closing his eyes. Gaila made a soft noise and grasped his face, tugging him towards her. She held him close. “Can you move?” she asked, voice muffled.

“I require assistance, but yes,” Spock answered. Gaila carefully eased Nyota to the ground.

Leonard stepped forward and gathered Nyota in his arms as Gaila slung Spock's arm over her shoulders and helped him upright. Nyota's dragon millipede peeked out from the neckline of her uniform, and Leonard did his best to ignore him. The trek back to Medbay was quiet. Gaila said nothing about Aakhai's presence, and Leonard said nothing about Spock's daemon nestled in her hair.

Leonard set them up in one of the last beds open in Medical, and tugged the privacy curtains around them. “Activate a shipwide communication. Tell everyone still able to come here,” he said to M'Ress. She nodded and moved to one of the comm panels.

“What's your name?” Leonard asked the Yridian.

“Ygrette,” she said.

“Take stock of what we have. Weapons and food. Find out how long we can last up here,” Leonard said. The Nausicaan stepped forward.

“You put a thief in charge of supplies?” she asked. Ygrette scowled and put her hands on her hips.

“It's not like she's going anywhere,” Leonard said. “Moxie, shut down all transporter capabilities. Lock down the escape shuttles. Whatever we have stays on our ship.”

“Done.” The Moxie vanished towards Leonard's office, presumably for access to his computer.

“What's your name?” Leonard turned to the Nausicaan.

“Laethe,” she said, throwing back her shoulders.

“I apologise for my previous behaviour. I should not have yelled at you when you were clearly doing your job. Though with some unnecessary roughness,” he said. “I'm sorry.”

“Apology processed,” Laethe said. Leonard figured it would have to do.

“I need you to find out what happened to the other me,” Leonard said. “Find him. If you can bring him back here, do it. If not, watch him. Keep an open comm line in case you need back up.”

“Laethe will not need back up,” she said.

“I'm sure you won't. Just in case,” Leonard said. Laethe nodded and left without another word. M'Ress' voice purred over the ship's comm system. “And you are?”

“Alonna,” the Bolian woman said. She stood at full attention.

“Monitor the life signs on the ship. I'm going to try and figure out what the hell is going on around here.”

“Yes sir,” she said. She tugged a chair towards one of the screens and a second later Leonard saw the ship's schematics show up. Every blip on the grid was red except them. He closed his eyes.

“Transmission ended, sir,” M'Ress said.

“See if you can contact the fleet,” Leonard said. “Tell them we have a Class One biological menace and we're attempting to get it under containment. They are to send no one until further notice.”

“Yes sir,” M'Ress said, saluting.

“Contact the ground team. Figure out if they took it with them. The last thing we need is to go around killing off a new planet,” Leonard said. M'Ress cracked a small smile.

“Aye.”

Leonard made his way to Jim's bed, Aakhai at his side. He drew up a chair and collapsed into it. The privacy curtains closed around him, and Aakhai sat beside the chair. Leonard watched Fritjof's shadow fall across the curtain as he took up guard duty.

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” Leonard said, his voice soft. Kaira shifted from his shoulder to the back of his chair, her eyes firm on Jim's monitors.

“We were young,” Aakhai said. “And trying to escape Kodos.”

Leonard's entire world reoriented itself, the air in the room suddenly too thick to breathe.

“Jim and the others were kept in a cell beneath the jail building. Every night he'd send me away to call for help. It was necessary, no matter how much it hurt,” Aakhai said. “Jim's a survivor.”

Leonard reached for Jim's arm, his fingers closing around heated skin. Jim remained non-responsive, but Aakhai let out a soft noise.

“I didn't know,” Leonard said, when he could speak.

“We don't broadcast it. It tends to cause... problems,” Aakhai said. He lifted his front two paws and placed them on the bed. “Bones, you have to help him.”

“He'll be all right, Aakhai,” Kaira said. She brushed her wing over Leonard's shoulder. “We'll fix this.”

“I know,” Aakhai said.

“You'll talk to me, won't you?” Leonard asked. “Once this is all over?”

Aakhai faced Leonard. “Yeah, Bones. We'll talk to you.”

There was something. Something that should never be in that daemon's voice. Leonard slid from his chair and knelt on the ground. “You're not 'fine', are you?” he asked softly. “And Jim would never admit it.”

Aakhai gave a sharp shake of his head, removing his paws from the bed. “He would never. He can't-”

Leonard to this day isn't sure what possessed him. He reached for Aakhai, wrapped his arms around the daemon and pulled him close. Aakhai bit off a yelp, his quivering body welcome and warm. He smelled incredibly like Jim, and Leonard pressed his face to Aakhai's fur. Aakhai let out a heartbreaking whine, curling in as close as he could to Leonard.

“Hush, darling,” Leonard said, digging his fingers deep in Aakhai's fur. “I've got you. Hush now.”

“He won't let me in,” Aakhai said, shuddering. “We're connected but there are times I feel so _alone_ -”

“You have me,” Leonard said. “You'll always have me. I would never-”

“But you did.” Aakhai stiffened, drawing back sharply. “You let us get _marooned_ , Bones.”

Leonard froze. He had. He stood to the side and watched Spock beat the living hell out of Jim.

And he hadn't lifted a finger to stop it.

“I'm sorry,” Leonard said around a thick tongue.

“You have no idea how hard he's trying to trust you,” Aakhai said. His paws on either side of Leonard's hips radiated heat. Leonard felt burned by the touch, where just moments before the warmth had been welcome. Kaira's distressed sound summed up his feelings.

“What can I do?” Leonard asked. There had to be some way to stop this sensation the floor was falling from under him.

“Help him. Help them all. Stay with him,” Aakhai said. He nuzzled Leonard's chin gently. Leonard reached for him, and he didn't shy, let Leonard thread his fingers through soft, silken fur.

“I will,” Leonard said. “I want you to stay with me. Until Jim is up again. I don't want you here by yourself.”

“Please,” Aakhai said desperately. Leonard spent one last moment with his face buried in Aakhai's fur before he stood.

“I'll protect you,” Leonard said. Aakhai stared at him. “I promise.”

“I know.” Aakhai fell into step behind Leonard as they left Jim's bedside.

Leonard moved to the curtains that sectioned off Spock and Gaila. Slipping inside, he found Gaila curled up on Spock's bed. The biomonitors had been shut off, and they were dozing. Spock's daemon poked her head up when Leonard drew close, and she nudged Spock and Gaila.

Gaila yawned and sat up, still curled protectively around Spock. Spock opened his eyes and lifted a hand to Leonard.

“How do you feel?” Leonard asked, flicking the monitors back on. They booted slowly, adjusting to the Vulcan on the sensors.

“To be perfectly honest, Doctor, I have felt better,” Spock said with a grimace.

“Can you tell me about it?”

“I believe it is an acute paralysis of certain neurons within the cerebral structure,” Spock said. “I feel an overwhelming sense of fatigue, and my mind is under the impression that my body weighs approximately three times its normal gravitational disturbance.”

“How is your bond?” Leonard asked. “Any strain on that?”

“No more than normal,” Spock said. “What is the status of the crew, Doctor?”

“Ninety five percent incapacitated. The only crew still upright are the non-human entities,” Leonard said.

“And yourself, Doctor,” Spock said.

“Yeah. I haven't figured that one out yet,” Leonard said. Spock narrowed his eyes.

“Have you considered that your doppleganger may be the source of this plague?” Spock asked. Leonard stilled. “The lack of a daemon implies that he may not be as human as initially perceived. It would help to contain him and question him on his involvement.”

“Laethe is going to try and bring him in,” Leonard said. Spock pushed himself upright, despite Gaila's grunt of discontent. “Careful, Spock. I don't want you hurting yourself.”

“Please, Doctor. The worst that will happen is an increase in fatigue which will lead to the comatose state demonstrated by the rest of the crew. Until then, I must be of some use as a test subject. I can also assist in research,” Spock said.

“Doctor's orders to rest, you incorrigible hobgoblin,” Leonard said, exasperated. “Lie back.”

“The captain has fallen.” It was a statement, not a question, and Leonard paused. “Doctor.”

“Yes. Jim's ill. He's out of commission until I figure out how to fix this,” Leonard said. Spock's eyes lowered to Aakhai, but he said nothing.

“Please bring me the captain's diagnoses,” Spock said. Leonard couldn't refuse the help, so he handed over the padd without another word. Gaila climbed from the bed and left them. Spock did his best to ignore her leaving, but his daemon followed her until the curtains fell back into place around the bed. “She would rather me rest,” Spock said, not meeting Leonard's eyes.

“I would rather you rest too,” Leonard said. “Can I get you anything?”

“I require nothing at the moment, Doctor,” Spock said. He paused. “Please ensure that Gaila is kept busy. She has a tendency to... worry.”

“I have to check on the rest of us. I'll be back. Ring if you need me,” Leonard said. Spock nodded. “Ring if it gets worse,” he added.

“Yes, Doctor,” Spock said, with a slight upturn of his lips.

Leonard stepped from the curtains and M'Ress approached. “Sir, there's no communication from the ground team. The Nareel dignitaries are non-responsive.”

“What does that mean?” Leonard asked. M'Ress hesitated.

“It means they are either ill or captive,” Gaila said from behind Leonard.

“Or worse,” Moxie said.

“Thank you,” Leonard said. “That's very reassuring.”

“We need to launch a search party,” Moxie said. “Bring them back. If they're sick they need to be on the Enterprise.”

“Your concerns are noted,” Leonard said. “Any other ideas? Preferably ones that do not involve running into enemy territory with a violent pathogen?”

“Since when are they the enemy?” Moxie pointed out. “They've done nothing hostile yet.”

“Aside from making our ground team disappear?” Leonard said.

“The only way to know that for certain is to go planet side,” Gaila said reasonably. “We can't determine anything from up here. We don't have enough data.”

“You agree we must go planet side?” Moxie asked.

“I agree that we don't have enough data to form any sort of conclusion,” Gaila said.

“We have to get our ground team back,” Leonard said. “If this gets worse, they need to be in a place I can easily reach them.”

“I'll go,” Gaila said.

“As will I,” Moxie said.

“It could be dangerous,” Leonard said. Gaila gave him a look that could melt adamantium.

“I survived the Farragut. Don't talk to me about dangerous,” she said. Leonard clamped his mouth shut, chastised. Gaila glanced at Fritjof. “As much as I want to take you along, we can't risk you frightening a potential addition to the Federation. I think bringing you would merely intimidate the Nareel. If we need back up, I'll call for you.”

Fritjof nodded quietly, sitting on his rump in the middle of MedBay. The fluorescent lights glanced off sleek arm bands as he tugged a monitor close, tapping it gently with a claw to pull up the ship's schematics. The ship's life signs remained appallingly red, except one green dot moving around in the engine room.

“Laethe,” Gaila said. “She must have found him. You coming, Ygrette?”

“Wouldn't miss it.” The Yridian put her hands on her hips. “We don't know anything about this race, or the planet. There are some fantastic rumours about this sector, though.”

“You mention this now?” Leonard asked.

“Nobody asked,” Ygrette said. “Supposedly there's a rip in the fabric of the universe around here.”

“Damn it, I'm a doctor not a seamstress. What does that mean?” Leonard carefully did not raise his voice.

“Nothing, if it's false,” Ygrette said. “If it's true, then who knows? We could get sucked into another dimension. Another dimension could crawl into our ship. Nobody knows.”

“On a scale of Bothersome to Nero, how bad could it be?” Leonard asked in the hush that fell over the group.

“Nero, or worse,” Ygrette said without hesitation. “Nero came from the future. Same dimension. There are a million more of him out there, held back by the thin walls of our bubble.”

“You're not making any sense.” Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose. “No use worrying about something that may or may not exist.”

“Let's get ready to beam down,” Gaila said. “Suit up. Meet at the pad in ten. Dismissed.”

Leonard watched them go, and then returned to Spock's bedside. He drew up a chair and fell heavily into it. Spock eyed him, but waited patiently until Leonard finally opened his mouth.

“We're going planet side. We have to find the ground team. They missed their check in and they're not responding to hails,” Leonard said.

“Doctor, have you considered that the reason you are unaffected by this affliction is that it originated from you?” Spock asked suddenly.

“Excuse me?” On his shoulder, Kaira twitched.

“Your double is also unaffected, correct?” Spock asked. Leonard nodded confirmation, and Spock went on, “The probability that your double is directly involved with the spread of the disease is extremely high, and the fact that it is an exact copy of you may hold the key to reversing its effects. Do you have a copy of your most recent cerebral scans?”

“Yeah.” Leonard reached for the padd and accessed his files. Spock was on to something. There had to be a reason Leonard wasn't unconscious like the rest of the human crew. And it probably did have something to do with the other him. And the lack of Kaira. “Here.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Fritjof is staying on board, as well as one of Sulu's security detail. A Nausicaan. Try not to enrage her, please. I prefer my equipment remain in one piece,” Leonard said.

“Your landing party will be comprised of aliens to you,” Spock said. “Will you be able to act appropriately?”

“What?” Leonard folded his arms over his chest. “I don't understand what you're getting at.”

“You have always displayed a worrying... reluctance to trust members of another species,” Spock said, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“Excuse me?”

“You're racist, Leonard, plain and simple.” Gaila slipped through the curtains to Spock's bedside. She sat on the biobed, reaching for Spock's daemon. The stoat-like creature flowed into her lap with a soft mewl, and she ran her fingers through its fur. “And quite frankly, it's grating on my nerves.”

“I am not-” Leonard started.

“You are,” Gaila said. She stood, smoothing down the folds of her planet side uniform. “ 'Hobgoblin'? How do you think that makes Spock feel? And I'd really appreciate it if you stopped questioning my suggestions. I may not be your equal in rank, but I am certainly not your subordinate in experience. Especially when it comes to ground missions.”

“On the contrary, Gaila, I do not experience 'feeling' when the good doctor uses pejorative terms regarding my non-human status,” Spock said.

“Shut up, Spock. Smile when you lie,” Gaila said without removing her eyes from Leonard's.

“I-I didn't know-” Leonard started.

“I'm aware. That's why I'm telling you. I can't take it anymore. You need to turn your attitude around or so help me, one day I'll lose it and you'll find yourself fixing a broken nose.” Gaila ran her hands through her hair, tugging unruly red curls back into a thick ponytail. “If you're quite finished here, we're ready to go.”

She leaned over Spock's bed and pressed a kiss to his forehead, at the same time twining their fingers together. Spock closed his eyes and murmured something in Vulcan. Gaila straightened and smiled, performing a very delicate twist of her hand as she loosed Spock's fingers. Leonard didn't know much, but he had heard how Orion females had developed a literal body language. This must be part of it.

Whatever it was, Spock understood, his eyes softening as Gaila brushed past Leonard towards the doors. Leonard straightened his shoulders and made to follow. “Keep an eye on her, Doctor,” Spock said.

“She'll be all right, Spock,” Leonard said. “I promise.”

Leonard followed Gaila to the transporter room. Kaira had the sense to grab his medical bag before they left MedBay, and he slung it over his shoulder as they stepped onto the pad. M'Ress, Ygrette, the Moxie, and Gaila all stood at attention, waiting for him. Aakhai sat on the pad at his feet.

The Bolian stood over the transporter controls. “You ready?” she asked. Leonard nodded.

“Energize,” Gaila said.


	6. but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works

_it seems that all my bridges have been burnt  
but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works_

...*...

Leonard was more prepared this time, for the consuming sensation of being wrapped in Kaira's mind. She did very well with herself, too, maintaining her grip on his shoulders when his feet touched dirt. Aakhai kept an eye on them, watching for a reaction like before, but Leonard waved him off. The pain in his chest subsided, and he was able to maintain his own thoughtspace within moments.

“All right?” Gaila asked. “You're making some ridiculous faces.”

“I'm fine. This planet has an effect on daemons,” he said. “We'll be all right.”

“There's a tear,” Moxie said suddenly. She was looking at the sky. She held a hand to her forehead to block out sunlight. “There's a tear in the sky. Vortex energy is leaking through it.”

“The what?” Leonard and the rest of the landing party looked up. He couldn't see anything.

“The Time Vortex. It's doing something it shouldn't be doing, and it's related to this planet,” Moxie said. She turned to Leonard, tucking a dread-lock behind her ear. “We have to figure out what's going on here.”

“What is a 'time vortex'?” M'Ress asked.

“The energy of the universe,” Moxie said. “My people use it to travel through time.”

All of them paused. Leonard stared at her. “Why are you with Starfleet if your people have that kind of tech?”

“I got bored. Time travel is good, and all, but I kept running into my mother,” Moxie said with a slight shudder. She started moving, and the rest of them were compelled to follow. “I like the Enterprise. She's loyal and honest. She's exciting.”

“So everyone keeps saying,” Leonard said.

“Besides, I'm the first to join up. And humans are delightfully inefficient. It will be eons before you meet my people. Might as well have some fun while we wait.” She hopped over a ridge and crouched. “There's the city. What's the plan?”

“Kaira can scout ahead,” Leonard said. “She's able to fly further from me on this planet.”

“No need,” Moxie said. “I can see an intense cluster of vortex energy in that building. I think that's where the Nareel are keeping our mates.”

“What?” Leonard replayed what she had said in his head. Still didn't make sense.

“See? Marvelously inefficient,” Moxie said without a hint of impatience in her voice. “I can see the tether that binds you to your daemon. It's made of vortex energy.”

“Dust? You can see Dust?” Leonard asked. Kaira and Aakhai's full attention was on Moxie.

“Oh, is that what you call it? Boring, but concise, I suppose. Yes, I can see Dust.” She sat back on her heels. “Let me tell you, seeing Aakhai's tether stretching up into the atmosphere is very disorienting.”

Aakhai glanced upwards, in the general direction of the Enterprise, before turning his attention back to Moxie. “I don't recall telling you my name.”

“You didn't,” Moxie said. “The vortex told me. Sorry. Privacy and I don't get along well.”

“So what you're saying is, we have to get into that building?” Gaila said, trying to refocus the conversation. “Sounds easy enough.”

“Don't jinx it,” Ygrette said, scowling.

“Superstition will get you no where,” Moxie said. “I'll go with Gaila. We should be able to work something out between us.”

“We're all going. We can't split up. I think the Nareel can see Dust too,” Leonard said, events suddenly clicking into place. “Rae kept staring at Kaira during the conference.”

“All the more reason for you to stay here,” Moxie said. “You'll give us away. You shine brightly, even in the midst of all this noise.”

“Noise?”

“Yeah. This planet is saturated with vortex energy,” Moxie said.

“Dust,” Leonard said.

“V-o-r-t-e-x e-n-e-r-g-y,” Moxie said slowly, jabbing a finger into Leonard's chest. “That's what we call it. You call it Dust. Stop correcting me. It's the same thing, just different terms. We're both right.”

Gaila glared at him, and Leonard shut up.

“I'll go with the Moxie, and we'll return shortly,” Gaila said. “M'Ress can stay here with you. Keep an open comm line to Alonna.”

“Who?”

“Jesus, Leonard,” Gaila said. “The Bolian watching the transporter. We'll be back. Don't kill each other while we're gone.” Gaila, Ygrette, and Moxie started for the city. Leonard watched them go in silence.

He turned to M'Ress, who was eying him warily. “Your name is M'Ress.”

“I know what my name is,” she said. Leonard pressed his lips together.

“I mean, I haven't forgotten your name.” Kaira slapped him with her wing and Aakhai gave him a woeful look.

“That's wonderful. How nice of you,” she said.

“Look, I don't- I don't understand why we can't be civil,” Leonard said, splaying his hands out, palms upright.

“I'm being civil,” M'Ress said calmly. She sat down gracefully, hidden from the city's view by the ridge. “You should sit so they can't see us.”

Leonard followed her lead, with much less finesse. “I can't change if you won't tell me what to do.”

“You've never been pushed into a pool as an experiment.”

“You were pushed into a pool?” Leonard asked. M'Ress tossed her hair.

“Four times. The most recent being basic training. Humans are fascinated by the fact that I can swim,” M'Ress said. She glanced at him. “Why does this surprise you? Non-human Ethics and Relations is a required class, up to the four hundredth level for every track. Surely you remember that.”

“I think I was able to opt out of those in exchange for my xenobio-ethics class,” Leonard said.

“That explains a lot,” M'Ress said. Her ears flicked forward, and she drew herself into a crouch. “Someone's out there.”

Leonard reached for his phaser, but didn't have time to draw it. Aakhai yelped suddenly, and collapsed to the ground in a quivering heap. Kaira dove from his shoulder, landing beside Aakhai. Sharp, driving pain struck Leonard in the chest and he gasped, doubling over. M'Ress grabbed for him, trying to get him behind her. Kaira shrieked. Another bolt of pain rocked Leonard, stealing his breath and forcing him to his knees.

“Doctor!”

He heard M'Ress cry out, and then succumbed to darkness.

...*...

He woke to the realisation he was strapped down.

His wrists and ankles were firmly held in place with leather cuffs, and some sort of board was hard at his back. Leonard opened his eyes slowly, squinting into a blinding light. “Kaira...” He groaned.

No response.

“Kaira!” Leonard pulled at his wrist cuffs. He lifted himself upright as far as he could. He was in one of the Nareel's examination rooms, bound to one of the tables. He didn't see his daemon. He couldn't see her.

Instant, blinding panic encompassed him. He sank against the bed, trying to suck air into reluctant lungs. Spots flew across his vision. He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth in an effort to control his breathing. Instinctive response to a latent fear. Panic attack. He had to breathe. Had to breathe. He was going to pass out again-

“Doctor.”

Leonard gasped harshly, air burning in his throat and lungs at the voice of the Nareel standing in the doorway.

“What have you done with her?” he asked, hating how his voice broke. He couldn't even feel her. Hear her. Sense her presence. “Where is she?”

“She's perfectly safe, Doctor, I assure you.” The Nareel drew closer. Leonard didn't recognise him.

“Where is she?” Leonard raised his voice. The door was still open, maybe someone would hear him. “ _Kaira_!”

“No need to yell, Doctor. She will not hear you.” The Nareel stopped at the side of the bed.

“This is considered an abduction of a Starfleet officer. You must release me at once or-”

“Or what, Doctor?” the Nareel cut him off. “Your warriors will come for you? Your ship is under quarantine and you have sent out communications refusing support. You are alone, my good human. And under my control for the unforeseeable future.”

Cold, awful fear slicked down Leonard's spine, and he gripped his hands into fists to stop their shaking.

“What are you going to do to her?” he asked. He tested the hold of the leather cuffs. He would not be able to snap out of them under his strength alone.

“We are merely observing your bond and the effects it has on our technology. Is it true that you cannot see the bond between you and your animal companion?” the Nareel asked.

“I- What?” Leonard stilled, confused.

“The tether, made of extraordinarily active La'Rue particles,” he said. His eye stalks slid over Leonard's body, following an invisible thread out the door. “You do not see it?”

“No. I can't see anything,” Leonard said. He had to be talking about Dust. The Nareel stepped closer, and Leonard shied. He didn't get very far.

“I am Nique. I will be your attending clinician. I am going to monitor your reactions to various stimuli. Your bond is very unique, Doctor. Did you know that?”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Leonard said.

“Our civilisation is powered by La'Rue particles, much like your nuclear power. Normally we are able to contain and channel the power of the particles, but you and your animal companion... Your bond is stranger than anything we have ever seen.” Nique made a note on a clipboard in one of his hands. He leaned over Leonard, and two of his hands reached for Leonard's eyes. He was helpless as his eyelids were pried back and Nique's eye stalks moved close. Leonard found his vision full of yellow before Nique pulled back and released his lids.

Leonard blinked, trying to massage moisture back into his eyeballs. It wasn't hard. Deep, painful want for Kaira made his eyes burn. “Please. Please. Where is she? You have to tell me. She's part of me-”

“I'm well aware of her relationship to you. La'Rue means 'centre of everything'. It is the very life force of the universe. The fact that you and your animal are tied together with such strong particles is a great source of interest to us.” One of Nique's arms prodded Leonard's shoulder. He made another note. “I believe, if harnessed properly, your bond could prove a great source of power for us. Possibly enough to fuel ships capable of warp.”

Leonard could barely hear over the buzzing in his ears. “Come again?”

“We believe your bond could provide our scientists the necessary energy to develop warp capable ships. We would be able to explore the galaxy,” Nique said.

“I'm a doctor, not a battery, god damn it!” Leonard growled. “Release me. You are holding a Starfleet officer against his will. The Federation will-”

“I'm sorry, Doctor. Your Federation is light years away. There is no one coming for you or your ship,” Nique said. Two of his hands were fastening electrodes to Leonard's forehead. Leonard tried to ignore the prickling sensation as the electrodes irritated sweat on his skin. “Do you feel that, Doctor?”

“Yes,” Leonard said. Nique walked to one of the desks in the room and leaned over the table.

“You may begin,” he said into a comm unit sitting on the table.

And like a switch, Kaira's essence flooded into him. Overwhelmed, he choked on his breath, arching off the table in an effort to get to her. She was alive. She was trapped and impossibly frightened, but she was alive and unharmed for now. It took her a moment to realise she could sense Leonard, and the instant she did her cries for him swallowed all conscious thought.

He came back to himself when Nique slapped him sharply across the cheek. He blinked, dragging air into his lungs. He had passed out. And he was crying.

“Please. Please.” He blinked back tears, heat rising to his cheeks. He could only stare at the ceiling as tears made it waver, horrified and humiliated by what Nique had reduced him to. He hadn't been trained for this. He wasn't prepared for this. “You don't understand-”

“What a peculiar reaction to the stimuli,” Nique said. “Since you are so intimately connected, I felt that you would display relief at the reintroduction of your tether. Instead you appear pained and traumatized. Can you explain this?”

“You're torturing me,” Leonard said. Anger curled around his fear, wrapping him in a protective shield. “You're playing with a piece of me that no one should have access too. You're touching things no one should touch, damn it. You're messing with my sentience.”

“Do not mistake the ability to speak with sentience, human,” Nique said, the barest hint of disapproval in his voice. “Mere speech does not make a species intelligent. Slaving creatures to yourself most certainly does not.”

“She's not a slave. She's part of me.” Leonard strained at the cuffs holding him to the bed. The leather dug into his skin, biting. The pain grounded him. “I have to see her. You have to let me see her.”

Their bond opened again, this time filled with agonising pain. Leonard bit through his lip in an aborted effort to stop the scream bubbling in his throat. Someone was reaching into his chest and _yanking_ violently at his heart, trying to tear it to shreds with dull blades. His fingers went numb with the sheer force of it, and he blacked out again.

He came to in pieces. His body felt heavy, the pain still thrumming in his veins but dulled now. Nique leaned over his comm unit and was chatting with someone on the other end. Leonard licked his lips, tasting blood. He gritted his teeth, closing his eyes against the burn of tears.

“Evidentially your tether can be stretched to breaking,” Nique said without turning. Leonard forced his eyes open. He was still connected. He would know if they had Cut her away. He would know. “Fascinating.”

“Fuck. You.” Leonard sank his teeth into the words. It wasn't much, and Nique probably didn't even understand the nuance, but the pain lessened a bit.

The door to the room slammed open. Nique started. Leonard couldn't find the energy to lift his head, even when he heard M'Ress' voice cutting through the stunned silence.

“Starfleet. Hands where I can see them. Step away from the desk.” M'Ress stalked into the room, phaser drawn. Nique obeyed without a word, stepping back toward the wall. “Turn around.”

Nique faced the wall, hands still up, and M'Ress pressed him against the flat surface. She twisted two of his hands behind his back and secured them with a tie, before reaching for his other two. She then bound all four together. “On your knees.”

He went to the floor with a light touch at his top left shoulder, and only when he was stationary did M'Ress turn to Leonard.

“Lord. What did they do to you?” she asked softly. She quickly loosed his wrists and ankles. He swung himself upright, swaying so much he had to grip the edge of the bed. She placed supportive hands on his arm. He raised a shaking hand to clean his cheeks, but M'Ress pushed it down. She rubbed away the tear stains without a word, one hand still on Leonard's arm. “Can you stand?”

Leonard nodded, unable to trust himself to speak just yet. M'Ress slipped her shoulder under his and lifted him from the bed. His legs weren't quite strong enough to hold him, and she took most of his weight as they made their way from the room. This close, Leonard could see a gash on her head, slowly oozing.

“You're hurt,” he said, hating the hoarse rasp of his voice.

“Flesh wound. It'll hold,” she said. “We have to find your better half.” She wrapped an arm around his waist and gripped his belt. “Come along, Doctor.”

“I don't know where she is,” Leonard said, sheer force of will preventing his voice from breaking. “I can't-”

“I have an idea of where they're being kept,” M'Ress said. “When I escaped I walked past what appeared to be animal kennels. It's just two floors down. Can you manage?”

Leonard nodded, swallowing thickly. A psychosomatic tendril of Kaira licked at his consciousness, his body responding to the trauma he had been through. They had to find her. She was close. So close.

The stairs down was one of the hardest things Leonard ever had to do in his life. Even with M'Ress supporting him, his feet slipped and slid on the thin steps, threatening to send them both tumbling. M'Ress told him to stop apologising after the third stumble, and dug her nails into his skin to drive the point home.

She released him to crack the keypad on the door, leaving him slumped against the wall. Phaser drawn, she stormed the room and disabled the Nareel found inside before retrieving him. Her strength couldn't keep him from falling to his knees when he saw Kaira beating at the bars of a cage, shrieking at him.

M'Ress let him drop, hurrying to the cage to open the latch. Kaira flew out so quickly she startled M'Ress enough to squeal, and hit Leonard's chest so hard he tipped over backwards. He hit the ground, clutching Kaira to his chest as she dug her talons into his skin. He couldn't sense her, but he felt her physical body against his. The familiar press of her feathers against his throat, her talons sharp through his shirt.

“My Leonard,” she cried. “My Leonard. I thought they were going to break us-”

“Never,” Leonard said hoarsely. “Never.” She scraped her beak through his hair with an agonised shriek.

“Doctor, I'm sorry, but we really have to move. We're not secure here.”

Leonard was just barely aware of M'Ress' voice. He reluctantly pushed himself up, his grip on Kaira tight and sure.

“Aakhai,” Kaira reminded him. Leonard nodded, forcing himself to his feet. They found Aakhai's cage and released him.

“Are you all right?” Leonard asked. Aakhai cocked his head at them, his eyes sad.

“I'm more used to it than you,” was all he said. Leonard wished he could kneel and take Aakhai into his arms. His bond with Kaira was scraped so raw he wasn't sure he would be able to handle touching someone else's daemon.

“I'm sorry, Aakhai,” Leonard said helplessly. Aakhai snuffled, trotting past them towards the door.

“We have to find out what they did to your bond, and get you back to normal,” he said, nosing the air in the hall for Nareel. “This way.”


	7. it's not the long road home that will change this heart

_it's not the long road home that will change this heart  
but the welcome i receive with the restart_

...*...

M'Ress helped Leonard find his feet again, and nudged him after Aakhai. She brought up their six, phaser drawn. Aakhai slid along the walls with ease of practice, and Leonard tried to suppress thoughts about how he had learned to do that. At one point, he stiffened, and glanced at a door to his right. He whined, and Leonard was forced to slide the door open.

They found their ground party.

What was left of them anyway.

M'Ress covered her mouth with her hand when she entered the room, her phaser dropping to her side.

The four officers were strapped to medical benches much like the one Leonard had been fastened to. Leonard approached the first officer, a Lieutenant with a marmoset daemon. The daemon sat at the officer's pillow, not touching, just sitting. Kaira dug her talons deeper into Leonard's skin, drawing blood, and he gripped her feathers tighter, to the point of pain. The officer stared up at the ceiling, her face blank.

“Lieutenant,” Leonard said. He reached for her shoulder to shake her, despite his skin crawling upon contact. She didn't respond, and continued blinking lethargically at a point over Leonard's shoulder.

“Leonard,” Kaira said urgently. “Leonard. Please.”

He ignored her, holding her to his chest as he moved between the four benches, checking each officer. They all exhibited the same symptoms. Symptoms reminiscent of being Cut.

“Please. Go. Please let's go,” Kaira said urgently.

Leonard did his best to ignore her squirming. He walked to one of the monitors over a bed and accessed it. With shaking fingers, he tapped his way into the lieutenant's cerebral scans from the last few days. “Help me,” he said over his shoulder. “There might be something here that can help the Enterprise.”

M'Ress moved beside him. She glanced around the room, looking for something she could use, and snatched one of the ground team's tricorders from the pile of their belongings. She tore off the back and tugged one of the wires free of its casing. Leonard turned the monitor towards her, and she pried the monitor apart in one swift motion. The back fell to the ground with a clatter, and she pressed the tricorder's wires into the monitor's guts.

Leonard watched the screen fuzz on the monitor as a data download started. “How did you know what to do?” he asked.

“Communications and engineering,” M'Ress said. “I was able to determine a general basis of translation and use it to hack into their system. The data will be temporarily stored on this until we can get it back to the ship.”

“You're brilliant,” Leonard said, in complete honesty. M'Ress flicked her ears.

“I know. How else do you think I made it on Jim's ship?” She handed him the tricorder. Leonard held the tricorder tight in one hand. This was the key to reversing whatever was happening to his crew. They had to get back aboard the Enterprise. They had to fix his bond. “Do you have everything you need?”

“We'll find out.” Leonard moved to the door. M'Ress followed. Leonard stepped into the hall and slammed into someone passing by, stumbling back into M'Ress' steadying hands.

“McCoy!”

“Gaila.” Leonard gasped.

“What happened to you?” Gaila reached for his lip, brushing fingers over the burning cut.

“They tortured him,” M'Ress said. “They've done something to his bond with the animal that we haven't been able to reverse.”

“Oh god.” Gaila caught sight of the crew Leonard had left behind. She gripped the door frame.

“We have to leave them,” M'Ress said quietly. “We can't take them with us right now. We'll beam them up once we're back on the ship.”

“We can't leave them,” Gaila said, trying to push through Leonard into the room. “I can taste their agony.”

Leonard held her back, with M'Ress' support as weak as he was. The Moxie appeared behind Gaila, her eyes instantly on Kaira. Ygrette stood look out in the hall.

“There's a band around your tether,” Moxie said. “It's preventing the flow of particles between you.”

M'Ress and Leonard froze. “Can you fix it?” Leonard asked.

“It requires precision tools that I didn't bring with me. I bet we can find them here, though,” Moxie said. She grabbed Gaila's arm and pulled her back from the door. “Come on, there's nothing we can do for them here.”

Gaila shrugged her off and pushed past them into the room. She unstrapped the fallen crew and nudged each of the daemons onto their chests. She reached for their discarded comm units and attached one to each belt. “Get ready to run,” she said, holding her communicator to her lips.

She flicked it on, and contacted the Enterprise.

“Four to beam up, Alonna, directly to Medical. Lock onto their comm signals. We're not done here yet.” Gaila waited a beat. Alonna responded confirming the order, and the transporter beam surrounded the ground crew. They disappeared before Leonard's eyes. “Let's go.”

“What about McCoy?” Moxie asked as they moved quickly through the hall.

“Keep an eye out for what you need,” Gaila said. “They'll be able to pick up that transmission. They know we're here.”

“They've known we're here,” Moxie pointed out. She hooked her hand in Leonard's elbow, propelling him forward. M'Ress and Ygrette were close on his heels.

Gaila smashed through the Nareel security with ease, leading the Starfleet officers towards the ground floor.

“Stop! Wait! Stop.” Moxie tugged Leonard towards a door. “Here! I can use those. Quick.”

M'Ress and Gaila tucked them into the room, locking and fusing the door in place with their phasers. Gaila's phaser hissed as she dragged the beam over the metal of the door and the wall. Moxie led Leonard to a counter. “Sit.”

Leonard sagged against the counter, one hand on Kaira, the other gripping the tricorder like his life depended on it. The Moxie dragged a machine to the counter and pried open a panel on the side, exposing wires and lights. She stuck a hand into the machine's guts and started pulling at things.

“Do you know what you're doing?” Leonard asked, his chest tight. The lingering pain there was growing with each moment he stood. Kaira hadn't stopped shaking since he had found her.

“Not really. I think I can turn this into a sonic generator, though, and I'll be able to use that,” Moxie said. She flicked red hair over her shoulder as the machine sparked. “The universe is built on frequency. It's all a matter of finding the proper one.”

“I'll pretend that made sense,” Leonard said. He rested against the counter, panting slightly. His skin felt weirdly hot and tight.

“It's pretty simple, really. Quantum mechanics is frequency. Electrons, protons, neutrons. They don't exist. It's all wavelength and pulse.” The Moxie stripped a wire with her teeth and then shoved it back into the machine. It was making an alarming humming noise while she worked. “You should sit down.”

Leonard let his legs collapse under him, and he hit the ground hard. He was so tired. So tired...

“Hey, Leonard. Eyes on me, that's it.” Gaila gripped his face with both hands. “Hang in there. We're going to start, okay? Give me the tricorder.”

It was important that he hold it, but he couldn't remember why. His grip tightened when Gaila tried to take it. She twisted his wrist and gently removed the tricorder. Leonard couldn't muster the energy to protest. She was in a Fleet uniform. She knew what she was doing.

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Gaila asked, her voice low when she turned to Moxie. “He's fading fast.”

“I'm sure this will do something,” Moxie hedged, flicking a switch. The machine's whirring quickened. “Leonard, I need to handle Kaira for a moment. Do you understand? I'm not taking her away. I just need to straighten the bond.”

She gently lifted Kaira from Leonard's arms, and he whimpered. Gaila held his hands down when he reached for her, and Moxie set Kaira on the ground just beside Leonard but out of reach. He stretched for her and overbalanced, but Gaila kept him upright. “Hush, Leonard.”

The Moxie placed a small, hand-held device on the floor between Kaira and Leonard. Leonard closed his eyes.

He wasn't completely aware what happened next. There was pain, like a brutal tearing of his internal organs, and there was intense, oppressive sadness. He felt, intimately, the cold tile of the floor, the warm press of Gaila's hands, down to his bones. He remembered Jim and Aakhai, and warm summer nights in Georgia, and rolling with Joce between cool sheets-

“Hey. Leonard. Hey, come on.”

He came back to himself gradually. He was on his back on the floor, his head and shoulders propped up in Gaila's lap. She framed his face with her hands and leaned over him, nothing but concern etched in her features. He groaned, lifting a hand to his face. His fingers came away wet, and he scrubbed furiously at his cheeks.

“All right?” Gaila asked. Leonard realised one of her hands wasn't on his face, it was actually resting against his pulse point.

“Yeah. I'm fine. I'm good.” Leonard pushed himself upright, scooping Kaira into his arms. M'Ress and the Moxie sat in front of him, staring in horror. Ygrette crouched by the door, carefully avoiding his eyes.

“Are you sure you're all right?” Gaila asked, her voice soft. “It was touch and go for a bit, there, Leonard.”

“I'm fine. What... What happened?” Leonard asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“I released the clamp on the bond,” Moxie said. She was pale. “And you reconnected. It was... intimate.”

“It's been a while since I've heard someone cry like their heart was tearing,” Gaila said. She slid closer to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She pressed into him, tucking her face into the back of his neck. This close, he could feel her heart against his back. He lifted a hand and held onto her arm. He opened his mouth.

“Don't,” M'Ress said, cutting him off. “Don't apologise. We're sorry too. We... Shouldn't have witnessed that.”

She touched Leonard's foot and squeezed reassuringly. Moxie put her hand over M'Ress', and smiled thinly.

“Thank you,” Leonard said. Kaira thrummed along their connection. He could feel her, and she curled against him, relishing the closeness.

Something slammed against the door.

Gaila jerked to her feet. “Alonna, five to beam up.”

M'Ress and Moxie hauled Leonard to his feet. He swayed, helpless, but they kept him standing.

“Alonna?” Gaila shook the communicator. “Do you read me?”

No response. Gaila swore, and they all jumped when something hit the door again.

“Frequency!” Moxie yelled, diving for the machine. She pulled off a second panel and yanked out several important looking wires. “Try it now!”

“Alonna, five to beam up.” Gaila stared at the door, holding the communicator to her lips.

“Copy. Beaming.” Alonna's voice answered back, laced with static. The medical horror suite vanished before Leonard's eyes, replaced with the warm, familiar light of the Enterprise.

“Sorry. The generator was interfering with the transporter abilities,” Moxie said, stepping down from the pad. She helped M'Ress hop down daintily, and Gaila escorted Leonard off the pad.

“You have to rest,” Gaila said.

“I have to go over this data,” Leonard said. “There may be a cure in here somewhere.” Aakhai ran past them towards Medical, towards Jim.

“You just survived extensive trauma,” Gaila said. “You need to lie down for at least an hour.”

“I'm just going to confer with Spock,” Leonard said. “See if he came up with anything.”

“Unauthorised activation of the transporter pad,” Alonna said, standing. Gaila and Leonard backed away from the pad as it activated, and the shimmering beam of particles revealed four Nareel, armed, standing in the Enterprise.

“Fascinating,” the foremost said. He leveled his weapon at Leonard. “We're here to commandeer your ship. Please stand down and show us to the control centre.”

“Eat me,” Gaila said, raising her phaser. She shoved Leonard towards the door, firing at the Nareel. “Out! Get out!”

They poured into the hall, and Leonard slammed the door shut after Gaila. Moxie knocked his hands down and pulled the control panel from the wall, sending a shower of sparks to the floor. “That should hold them for a bit,” she said. “I think.”

“How did they get up here?” Gaila shot the panel for good measure.

“I'm telling you. Frequencies. The universe is frequencies,” Moxie said. “Manipulate the right ones and you can do anything.”

“That doesn't help us now,” Gaila said. “McCoy. Get to Medical. See if Spock's come up with anything. Find. A. Solution. We need the rest of the crew to help us. Alonna, M'Ress, get to the bridge. Send out for the Fleet. Tell them we need help. We're still under quarantine but we need help.”

Leonard pushed himself to move. His legs didn't want to obey him, and felt like liquefied muscle mass. Gaila and Alonna pounded after him, keeping their six clear. They flew into Medical and Leonard went instantly to Spock's bedside. Gaila shut and sealed the doors to the wing, tugging at the control panels to ensure they stayed shut.

“Spock!” Leonard tore back the curtains around Spock's bed. He was reclining, the padd still in his hand. When Leonard approached, he opened his eyes with effort. “Did you come up with anything?”

“I was able to isolate the particular neuron pathways effected by the virus,” Spock said. He tried to lift the padd, but couldn't gather the strength. Leonard gripped it, trying to beat back the hope rising in his throat.

“Thank you. Thank you.” Leonard decided kissing the second in command would be out of line, and settled for gripping his arm. He gave a reassuring squeeze, and turned to meet up with Gaila in the main lobby. Aakhai slipped out from Jim's bedside to join them. Leonard held the tricorder and padd in hand. “I have to analyse these. How much time can you give me?”

“That depends,” Gaila said, “if the Nareel can get through our systems. Go. We'll keep watch.”

Leonard slipped into his office and had the tricorder plugged into his computer before he was even seated. He had to work through Moxie's hack job, and then decipher Spock's half-delirious notations on Jim's scans. Kaira hopped from his shoulder to the desk, peering at the screen as he flicked through image after image of highlighted neurological pathways. Spock had been thorough.

Silence fell over the Medical Bay. Leonard's heart slowed for the first time in almost two days, and he could feel the oppressive weight of fatigue wearing on him. That, compounded by the adrenaline crash, threatened to knock him on his ass. Kaira did her part, pecking sharply at his hands when he felt his concentration drift.

He hoped to god the cure wasn't unique to each individual. That would be too time consuming.

“What's that?” Kaira jerked suddenly. “Go back. Right there. That oscillation.”

“It's from the machine Moxie hacked,” Leonard said.

“Impose that over Jim's frontal lobe scans, the ones we took just after he collapsed,” Kaira said. Leonard shook his head but did as she said, and sat back in his chair.

“Good god.”

“That's it,” Kaira said, in awe. “That's it. Right there.”

“But that means...” Leonard trailed off. “That means the other me is from the Nareel. Gaila!” He threw himself at his computer.

Gaila ran into his office. “Did you figure it out?”

“Can you pull up the records of the transportation that brought the initial landing party up from the planet?” Leonard asked. Gaila nudged his hands aside and had the information up within seconds. “Is there anything out of the ordinary?”

She stared at the scrolling numbers, lower lip between her teeth. She highlighted something on the screen. “This. This shouldn't be here. It's an energy spike. Let me visualise it for you.”

Kaira squawked when the image appeared. It was a direct match to what Kaira had found in Jim's scans.

“What is it?” Gaila asked.

“The Nareel sent my double,” Leonard said. “He's the one who's spreading this... thing. It's not even a virus. There's no physical specimen causing it. Just... Just a fluctuation in the biochemical responses in the brain.”

“Can they be reversed?” Gaila asked.

“I need a frequency generator,” Leonard said. “And a laser. Get me a surgical laser. Meet me at Jim's bed.”


	8. these here are my desires

_stars hide your fires_   
_these here are my desires_   
_and i will give them up to you this time around_

...*...

Gaila and Alonna pushed and shoved the equipment to Jim's bed, making sure the wires were not going to trip anyone. Leonard transferred all the data to his personal padd and took it with him to the bedside.

“What else do you need?” Gaila asked.

“Quiet,” Leonard said, not unkindly. If he screwed this up. If he made one shaky incision, he could destroy Jim's brain.

He sat down at Jim's head and propped up the padd by the bed. Aakhai jumped onto the cot and settled with a soft whine. Kaira took her normal surgical position on his shoulder, and the weight balanced his hands. He inhaled, and reached for a monitor, tugging it over Jim's head to watch his readings.

It was painstaking to find the right frequency. Jim's neuroactivity was still elevated, even for a comatose state, and Leonard could barely see if his incisions with the laser were making any effect. Gaila and Alonna watched in complete silence, their gaze sliding between the monitor displaying Jim's brain and the numbers on the machines. Aakhai's eyes hadn't left him since he started.

Gaila jumped when something slammed against the MedBay doors. Leonard exhaled shakily, risking a glance at the door. He swallowed back his stomach when he saw McCoy walking towards him.

Gaila and Alonna stepped between his double and Jim's bed, phasers drawn. They both fired once, both shots hitting home. McCoy stumbled, the phaser burns merely stalling him. He straightened, and they healed before Leonard's eyes. Leonard turned back to Jim. Just a few more seconds. Just hold him off for a few more seconds...

Gaila attacked McCoy, but her strikes went through him, as if he had no solid body to hit. She growled as McCoy entered the sanctuary of Jim's bed. Leonard barely had time to shut the laser off before McCoy grabbed him by the shoulder.

The next thing he knew, he was airborne. His back smashed against a counter, and all of his medical equipment clattered to the floor with him. He covered his head in time to block a tray from cracking his skull. Kaira shrieked, her talons clacking against tools and the tile. She kicked the tray away from his head.

Aakhai barked, the sound ricocheting through the entire wing. McCoy paused, and Leonard uncovered his head just enough to see Jim sitting up, pushing back the covers of his cot. He was awake. Leonard had done it.

Jim dropped to the ground beside the bed and grabbed the surgical laser. He pointed it at McCoy and the machine buzzed to life. McCoy paused, and without any warning, disintegrated into a million glittering particles that dissipated into the air. Jim let the laser fall to the ground.

Leonard scrambled to his feet and Jim tripped over the machine in his haste to get to him. Jim slammed into him, arms wrapping around Leonard's chest like a vice. Leonard grabbed at Jim, fingers scrabbling along his tunic. Jim shook in his grasp.

“Thank you. Thank you.” His words were shuddering and harsh, panted out against his throat. “I dreamed you were screaming-”

“Just a dream,” Leonard said harshly. He buried his face in Jim's shoulder, gripping Jim closer. Aakhai circled them, whining anxiously, but Leonard's world had narrowed to the man in his arms, his captain. Jim pulled back, digging his fingers into Leonard's jaw. He touched their foreheads with a delirious laugh.

“Knew you'd figure it out.”

“Spock helped,” Leonard said. “A bit.”

Jim opened his eyes and frowned. He drew back and ran a thumb over Leonard's lip. “What happened?”

Leonard licked his lips. “Bit it.”

“Bones.” Jim lowered his hands and gripped Leonard's arms fiercely. “I know what torture looks like.”

Leonard closed his eyes. He twisted in Jim's hold and tugged him closer, gently. He touched his lips to Jim's forehead. “I'm all right, Jim.”

A bang on the door broke them apart. Jim kept one hand firmly anchored in Leonard's sleeve. “Who is that?”

“The Nareel,” Gaila said. “They beamed themselves aboard the ship.”

“Can you get Spock up and moving?” Jim asked, turning to Leonard.

“I need time,” Leonard said. He was already moving towards Spock's bedside. M'Ress helped pull over the frequency generator, and Leonard wrapped the privacy curtains around the bed. Spock waved at him.

“Doctor.”

“It worked, Spock. You're next.” Leonard flicked the monitors on around Spock's bed. He pulled up the data from the last few hours, scanning it as he prepped the surgical laser.

“I would feel more confident if we were not in the midst of a fight with an alien peoples,” Spock said. His daemon sniffed the air around Leonard's hand.

“I'm a trauma surgeon,” Leonard said. “I function best under pressure. Trust me. I'm a doctor.”

Spock smiled, the barest lift of the corner of his lips. “Trust was never a matter of concern, Doctor.”

Leonard adjusted the dosage on a hypo and touched it to Spock's throat. “Sleep time.”

Spock opened his mouth, a hand raised.

“Gaila's fine.” Leonard cut him off. “She's outside with Jim. And you know how hard it is to kill him. Now relax.”

Spock fell silent, and Leonard triggered the sedative into his system. Spock dropped off without fuss, and his cerebral readings mellowed on the monitors. Kaira stood at the curtain edge, watching Jim and Gaila at the door, guarding the entrance.

“Hey,” Leonard said. “I have to concentrate. Get back over here.”

Kaira flew to his shoulder and settled. Leonard blocked out all other sounds save the hum of the monitors and the frequency generator. Spock's patterns were different than Jim's, obviously, but not so much that Leonard couldn't figure out exactly how to reverse the damage done by his double. The corresponding frequency was different, and Leonard wasted precious seconds tuning the laser.

He made the first cut when the doors to Medical shattered. Jim shouted, and Leonard tuned him out fastidiously. With Jim's precedence, he knew what he had to do. It was just a matter of finding the right frequency. It was downhill from there. The shot to his side took him by surprise.

He fell off his chair and hit the ground hard. Kaira shrieked. Gasping, he pressed his hand tight to the burning wound on his ribs. Blood leaked through his fingers. “Hush. We're all right, darlin',” Leonard said with effort, pinching Kaira's beak shut with his free hand.

He pushed himself up, and grabbed for the chair. He could see the smoking hole in the curtains that the shot had come through. Jim and Gaila wrestled with the Nareel through it. Using the chair for support, Leonard hauled himself up and grabbed for his fallen tools. He had to get this done. Spock was the only other one on the ship who could figure this out and start working on the other crew members.

He should have been shaking. He should have been dizzy from pain and blood loss, but he managed to keep his hands steady as he held the laser again. The generator had tuned to the right frequency, and Leonard started working on neuron connections.

By the time Leonard finished, his hands were numb. They were still steady, though, because he was a god damn professional if nothing else. He let the laser slip through lax fingers, and leaned back in the chair, content to let darkness take him.

He opened his eyes to black. He couldn't see anything. Movement beside him, and a hand covered his mouth.

“Shh.” Jim's voice whispered in the dark, near his ear. “They've cut the power. We're hidden for now, but we can't make too much noise.”

Leonard exhaled slowly, pain radiating out from his side. Jim released his mouth, and Leonard felt hands at his side, shifting a thick wad of bandages. “Did it work?” Leonard asked. His throat felt cracked on the inside.

“Yeah. Spock is trying to activate one of the escape pods in the living quarters. Gaila's with him.” Jim shifted again. The cool, plastic press of a phaser brushed over Leonard's skin. “Nothing from the Fleet. We're alone.”

Leonard shivered. He turned his head, and Jim was so close they knocked foreheads. Jim laughed breathlessly, cupping Leonard's cheek with one hand, holding him steady. “Moxie says we have to close the tear,” Jim said. “If we close the tear, their power source will be cut off. The illness will go away on its own. The crew will wake up.”

“How do we do that?” Leonard asked.

“She said something about sonics, which Spock translated to a particular frequency. He thinks if we can set off that frequency inside the tear, it will close.” Jim messed with Leonard's wraps again. Leonard resisted the urge to bat his hands away. “When Spock gets the pod running, I'm heading out.”

“I'm going with you,” Leonard said. He could feel Jim shake his head.

“You're hiding here. You were out for quite a bit, Bones. You're still losing blood.” Leonard ignored the way Jim's voice shook. “I can handle it.”

“I'm not letting you go alone, Jim. That's final,” Leonard said, pushing himself up to lean against a wall. Jim didn't try to hold him down. “I can help.”

Aakhai stumbled over Leonard's legs, quivering in excitement. Jim paused, his hands still on Leonard's abdomen. “Spock's done it. He's ready for us.”

“How-”

“He tapped on the ventilation system. Aakhai can hear it,” Jim said. “If you can't stand, I'm not taking you with me.”

Leonard did not weather ultimatums well. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to his feet. Kaira cried softly, fluttering around his ankles uselessly. When he felt strong enough to stand on his own, he pushed away from the wall. His eyes adjusted to the dark, and he could see Jim staring at him. The emergency lights finally came on-line, and Leonard squinted in the sudden wash of red.

“Come on, then, Bones,” Jim said. He walked to the door, phaser in hand. Aakhai nudged the back of Leonard's knees, urging him forward.

Leonard was numb from the waist down by the time they got to the living quarters. Jim and Spock had a quick, hushed conference under an emergency beacon. Spock pressed something into Jim's hand, and Jim pocketed it. Spock turned to Leonard. “Are you sure you are well enough to accompany the captain?”

“Help me suit up,” Leonard said. He grabbed a space suit and shoved one leg into it. Spock held the backpack open for Kaira to climb into, and when Leonard was ready, Spock strapped it onto the back of the suit. Leonard clamped his jaw shut tight. Fastening and tightening the straps on the space suit tugged at his injury.

“Bones.” Jim grabbed his arm. Leonard looked at him. “I order you to stay here. It's all right. I can handle it.”

“With all due respect, Jim,” Leonard said. “Screw your orders. Exactly who else is going to run your ship? Everyone is incapacitated. I'm going with you.”

Jim cast one last look at him before going down on one knee, tugging Aakhai close. Spock leaned over him, double checking the safety valves on Jim's suit while Jim whispered to his daemon. Aakhai didn't like what he heard, tucking his tail between his legs.

“I must insist on haste, captain,” Spock said. “Our position will be discovered shortly.”

“Last chance, Bones,” Jim said, standing. Leonard ignored him, shoving past him into the escape pod. He sank into the small but functional co-pilot chair. Jim entered the pod and sealed the door behind him. Jim strapped in and kicked the pod away from the ship with a practised blast.

Ah. They were in space. Right.

Maybe he hadn't thought this through.

“Breathe, Bones,” Jim said softly. Leonard closed his eyes and sucked in a deep, painful breath. The pain helped push back the anxiety, giving him something else to focus on. Kaira tapped on the separating wall in their suits.

“Why did you leave him?” Leonard asked. Jim glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Don't be stupid, Bones. He won't fit in a suit.” Jim flicked through several channels on the sensor display.

“You could have taken him in the pod.”

“And if we had hull breach? I'd die,” Jim said. “Come on, Bones.”

“You let me come.” Leonard watched Jim's face. “You let me come, but you refused yourself. Look at me, Jim.”

Jim reluctantly turned in his seat. Leonard reached for him, curling clumsy fingers around Jim's arm. Jim dropped his gaze to Leonard's gauntlet.

“You're not alone, Jim,” Leonard said, his voice low. “You don't have to be.”

“Is this really the time to be having this discussion?” Jim asked, irritated. He tugged his arm free of Leonard's hand. “I'm trying to save my ship.”

“And I'm helping you, god damn it,” Leonard shot back. “Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry I didn't do anything. I let you get marooned. I let you down. I can't-” He drew himself up short. Jim stared at him. “I won't forgive myself. But I will never, _never_ abandon you again. You hear me, Jim?”

“Yeah, Bones. I copy,” Jim said.

Leonard tried to relax back into his chair, attempting to find a position that didn't strain his side terribly. It wasn't easy. As soon as he found a moderately comfortable position, the red alert went off in their cabin.

“Helmet, Bones,” Jim ordered. Leonard fumbled with the helmet, clamping it down on the neck of the suit. Jim leaned over and secured it before fastening his own. Leonard closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. Kaira twitched in her side of the suit. Jim barely contained the rage in his voice. “They're firing at us. With my own ship.”

One strike landed, shorting out the computer controls. Jim swore violently, and Leonard did his best not to pray. Sparks jolted from the control panel, and Jim slammed his fist into it. “Dead.”

“How dead? Like, really dead or just mostly dead?”

“Cremated,” Jim said, his lips a fine line. “We have one jet pack. We can make it back to the ship. We're too small for them to target accurately.”

“What about the tear?” Leonard pushed himself up as Jim stood.

“We have to try again once we regroup. We won't make it, the two of us.” Jim gripped the chair as the pod took another blast.

“One of us could make it though, right?” Leonard asked. Jim shook his head.

“Don't even think about it, Bones. It doesn't matter at this point anyway. The generator was tapped into the computer when it shorted. The auto-fire is fried. It has to be manually triggered while it's going through the tear, or the edges won't seal properly.” Jim met Leonard's eyes. “A suicide mission. No.”

Leonard tasted blood in the back of his throat.

“If the tear doesn't close, the Enterprise is lost,” Leonard said. Jim's eyes clouded. He didn't have to confirm. Leonard scrabbled at the ties holding Kaira to his back. “Take her.”

“What? Bones- What's wrong?” Jim held his hands up, slipping the ties on Kaira's suit. Leonard turned, freeing his arms. He turned Jim and forced the suit onto Jim's back. “What the hell are you doing, Bones?”

“Just do it. You have a better chance of getting back than I do. And I want to make sure she gets back safe.” Leonard tightened the straps, securing Kaira to Jim's back. He could feel her rocking in the suit, trying to get to him. “You've always been better at the propulsion packs than me.”

“You're scaring me, Bones,” Jim said, his voice thin and cracked over the comm.

“You know how much I suck at EVAs,” Leonard said, keeping his tone level. He reached for the generator and strapped it to his utility belt. Hooking his arm tightly through Jim's, he said, “Let's go.”

Jim broke the vacuum seal, and the emptiness of space opened up before them. Leonard's heart tried to bust out of his shattered chest as Jim kicked them out of the pod.

As soon as they were clear, their tiny vessel exploded behind them in an anticlimactic, noiseless shower of sparks.

“Breathe, Bones.” Jim's voice over the comm forced his attention back to the task at hand. Leonard flicked a polarising visor over his helmet shield. The lack of atmospheric distortion displayed the Dust phenomenon clearly. The entire sky was instantly awash in golden light.

“I see it, Jim,” Leonard said. “Dust is pouring out of it.”

“Yeah. That's big. Damn it.” Jim tightened his grip. “No wonder they've developed a culture around Dust as a power source. That much of it would run anything, theoretically.”

“You have to let me go,” Leonard said.

“No,” Jim said instantly. “Not gonna happen, Bones. Stop thinking that way.”

“We have to close it. If we don't close it, we lose the entire crew,” Leonard said. “The Nareel will turn them into batteries to power their star-ships.”

He tried to wiggle his way out of Jim's grasp. Jim fought back, until Leonard was out of breath from exertion. “Jim, I'm bleeding out,” Leonard said. “If I go through, maybe Kaira will at least survive. If I stay here, she'll die with me.”

“You don't know any of that,” Jim said, shaking him. “You don't know what's going to happen to you. Nobody knows. You're not going to fucking die, Bones-”

“Jim. Take care of her,” Leonard said. He did not look at their bond.

“Who's going to cure the crew? Bones, if this doesn't work how will I wake everyone up? We need you!” Jim grabbed for him when Leonard finally managed to free himself.

“I left notes with Spock. He'll be able to piece it together. Your crew needs you, Jim. You're not alone. You just have to open your eyes,” Leonard said. He drew his legs up and tucked his feet into Jim's chest. He pushed off hard, before Jim had a chance to grab him.

Thank god for Newton. In the absence of other forces, an action will produce an equal and opposite reaction.

Jim flew towards the Enterprise, and Leonard frantically tried to free the generator from his belt. Too much velocity. He was soaring for the tear much quicker than he had planned. Clumsy, gloved thumbs hit the generator and activated it. His bond stretched, like the last drop of honey sliding from the lip of a jar.

“ _God damn it, Bones_.” Jim shouted at him. Howled as his figure disappeared against the backdrop of the Enterprise. “ _ **Leonard!**_ ”

And then, silence.

The Enterprise disappeared, like someone had flicked a switch. Jim's voice rang in his ears, vying with his thundering heart for dominance. The planet was gone. The star system was gone.

He flailed slightly, an instinctive reaction to the complete nothingness around him. The hand not on the generator reached out, trying to grab hold of something- anything. His fist closed around empty vacuum, and his breath quickened.

“Shit. Oh shit.” He swallowed, and almost choked on an inhale. He was alive. He was still alive. He let out hysterical half-gasp. “ _Fuck_.”

Hypercapnia.

“Jim,” Leonard said, straining to see around him. “Jim?”

His comm system was silent. His blood pounded in his ears, and his harsh, wet breathing echoed. A harsh whine escaped his throat and he blinked furiously. “Jim, do you copy? Jim? Answer me!”

His throat closed and he gagged slightly, blood slipping along his tongue. When he coughed, red speckled the inside of his helmet. The pain was getting worse, and his breathing was getting shallower and much, much quicker.

Now it was just a race which would kill him first. Carbon dioxide poisoning or blood loss.

He wouldn't know. He'd be unconscious.

And convulsing.

Leonard drew in a shuddering, painful breath. His bond was stretched so far he couldn't see the thread anymore. His arm hung limp in front of him, and he realised with mild concern that he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel his legs. The pain was fading.

Shock. He was going into shock.

All sound faded. He couldn't hear his own rasping struggles for breath. There was a strange, serene ringing in his ears. Tears slid down his cheeks.

“Jim. Jim. I'm sorry,” he whispered. He couldn't even face death with dignity, like his father. “Oh _god_. Jim please. _Please_.”

The suit grew warm, and he sweated, shivered, and shook. Each breath was harder than the last. Inhaling meant pressing back against the ten ton weight on his chest. It meant dragging hot, humid air into exhausted lungs. It meant poisoning himself.

Once he reached for his helmet to unsnap it and deliver himself quickly. He couldn't do it. He clenched his body so tightly he could feel blood ooze past the bandages. He couldn't do it. He was a coward. Too scared to even kill himself.

A comfortable haze swallowed the edges of his vision. His arms and legs froze, stiff with blood loss and carbon dioxide. He could almost imagine he was floating, back home, in his gran's pool. Blood seeped into his throat, and he coughed violently. Pain exploded in his side so fiercely his vision whited out.

He was so cold...


	9. marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with deleted scene.

_and so i'll be found_  
 _with my stake stuck in this ground_  
 _marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul_

...*...

He opened his eyes.

He... opened his eyes.

The startled breath shot pain through his entire chest, and he cried out. His voice was muffled by an oxygen mask. He reached for it, huffing hot, humid air against plastic, and a hand clamped down over his, drawing his fingers back. Leonard shifted, and locked eyes with Jim.

“I wouldn't do that, if I were you,” Jim said in a very measured tone. “Your blood oxygen levels are still stabalising.”

He couldn't help it. The tears slid unbidden down his cheeks. Relief. He had been rescued, somehow. Against all odds. He had been saved-

His hiccuping gasps set the machines off, and Jim leaned over him to loosen the oxygen mask and slip it over his head. Jim twisted their fingers together, and Leonard clung to him desperately, as if the slightest motion would send him back into space. Back into the horrible, suffocating black.

“Hey,” Jim said over his head. Something small landed on his mattress, and Leonard opened his eyes.

Kaira flew into his arms, talons scrabbling at his hospital gown in her effort to get closer. Her shriek pierced the Medical Bay.

“ _Jesus_. Kaira. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-” Leonard chanted into her feathers, a fresh round of tears making his eyes and chest burn.

“I will never forgive you,” Kaira said fiercely, doing her best to climb into his skin. “Never, never. I hate you, Leonard. How could you leave me behind-”

“Just wanted you safe,” Leonard said around a thick tongue. “Just wanted you _safe_ -”

“I was safe with you. I was,” Kaira said, punctuating her words with a feral cry. Leonard gripped her tight. Her small heart beat frantically against his chest, and her feathers were as warm and familiar as his own skin.

Jim's hand slipped along the back of Leonard's neck, grounding him. Leonard sucked in a steadying breath, stretching his wounded side. “Okay. Okay. You're fine. Calm down, Bones.”

Leonard let himself be coaxed back into a reclining position, and Jim slipped the oxygen mask back over his head. Kaira shook in his arms, huddled as close to him as she could physically get. Before Leonard could question Jim, Aakhai hopped onto the bed. He lowered himself gently against Leonard's legs, stretching out on the cot. Leonard felt tears prick his eyes again.

“Fuck.”

“Fuck is right,” Jim said quietly. His fingers dug into Leonard's skin. “You've been out for almost a week.”

“How long was I dead?” Leonard asked, shifting with a groan. He forced the tears back, struggling to compose himself.

“Almost an hour after we got you on board,” Jim said. His fingers tightened. “We got to you before brain damage set in. [I didn't let them give up](http://archiveofourown.org/works/593896). Spock wanted to call it. He tried to call it, but I wiped the record. He also tried to drag me out of MedBay.” Jim smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. “I've gotten very good at avoiding the nerve pinch.”

Jim lifted his hand from Leonard's neck and took up his hand once more. His other hand rested deep in Aakhai's fur. Leonard could feel him tremble.

“I removed myself from command.” He took a deep breath. “I'm compromised.”

The words sunk through the haze of painkillers churning in Leonard's system. He squeezed Jim's hand and took in Jim's pale face, sporting a nice shiner around his left eye. He inhaled, relishing the unhindered swirl of air in his lungs. “Have you slept?”

“Here and there,” Jim admitted. He nodded to Aakhai, who was snoring softly against Leonard's thigh. “He hasn't slept. I think he was hallucinating a few hours ago. Kept whining at your feet.”

Leonard licked his lips. “How-”

“Moxie,” Jim said immediately. “You... died hanging onto the frequency generator. Your fingers were still gripping the transmitter, and she was able to track that. Moxie and Gaila used one of Scotty's transporter equations to breach the... 'walls' of our universe into the one you disappeared. We were able to isolate your signature and pull you back.” His eyes focused on something on the opposite wall. “You were in space and you drowned. One of your lungs had collapsed and they had to pump blood out of the other. Jesus _fuck_ , Leonard.”

Leonard jumped, startled by the sudden change in tone. He caught Jim's eyes, and Jim's hold tightened painfully.

“If you ever, _ever_ , do something as fucking stupid as that again, I'll have you court martialed so fast you won't know which direction the earth is spinning.”

“Had to,” Leonard said, stumbling over the words. “Had to save the Enterprise-”

Jim grabbed his chin and forced their eyes to meet. “Listen to me. Nothing. _Nothing_ is worth your life to me, do you understand? I can't do this without you, Bones. I don't want to.”

Leonard closed his eyes as Jim leaned closer. Jim pressed his forehead to Leonard's temple, curling an arm around Leonard's head protectively. Jim's hand slipped from his jaw to the pulse point shuddering along the line of his throat. “We're not finished,” Jim said quietly. “You rest now.”

Leonard dropped off without further urging.

When he woke next, he had been moved from Intensive Care to the recovery ward of his Medical Bay. Jim was gone, but Aakhai was still camped out on his mattress, snuffling in his sleep. Kaira nested in the curve of his front paws, head tucked under a wing as she slept.

The oxygen mask was gone, but he was still hooked up to an IV and the monitors around his bed displayed improving but still shaky vitals. He let his fingers wander over the bandages wrapped around his midriff. He knew the was pain there, he could feel it simmering, but they had him on the good stuff.

Aakhai sensed his shift in breathing and lifted his head. “You're alive.”

Leonard nodded. Aakhai inched forward, and nudged Leonard's hand with his muzzle, slipping under it. Leonard rubbed his head, warmth spreading from their point of contact into his entire body until the pain and fear were a distant memory.

“Leonard, you have visitors, if you're able,” Kaira said, stretching her wings. She didn't wait for his answer, and flew to the curtains. They were tugged aside to reveal Moxie, Gaila, M'Ress, Alonna, and Laethe.

“You are so lucky that humans are easy to repair,” Moxie said without preamble. Gaila and M'Ress dove at Leonard, one on each side. Aakhai was unceremoniously nudged out of position. Moxie stood at the foot of the bed, and Laethe watched the proceedings with calculated disinterest.

Gaila clambered right up into the bed, wrapping herself along the length of his body. Kaira landed at Leonard's shoulder, and Gaila reached for her but hesitated.

“Can I?” she asked softly.

“Please, no,” Leonard said, unable to stop the instinctive shift away from Gaila. She nodded and withdrew her hand, settling it over his heart instead.

“You were in surgery forever,” Gaila said into Leonard's shoulder.

“Gaila and the Moxie saved you,” M'Ress pointed out at his other side. She had managed to squeeze herself onto the mattress as well, her tail flicking against the soft sheets. “Spock woke the medical staff, and they operated on you. You lost so much blood...”

“Your bond is stretched, now,” Moxie said, waving at Kaira. “She's still with you, but she'll be able to fly now.”

Kaira made a happy noise, burrowing closer to Leonard's throat, embarrassed at the attention. Leonard could feel her pleasure at the thought, and wondered just how long she had wanted to fly. If the only thing holding him back was himself.

“Why wasn't I invited to the orgy?”

Gaila scowled, twisting to glare at Jim.

“Uhura is asking for you,” Jim said. Gaila's demeanor changed instantly, and she slipped from Leonard's bed soundlessly, padding away from his cot. Aakhai returned to his place on the bed, snuffling his discontent as he pressed flush against Leonard's side.

“Come, M'Ress. Let's give McCoy time to rest.” Moxie reached for M'Ress, and helped her from the bed.

“We'll visit, Leonard,” M'Ress said. She smiled, bright and wide. Moxie laughed, and escorted her away.

“You've made an impression,” Jim said, taking the chair beside the bed. He looked better. He wasn't as pale, and the swelling around his eye was going down. He even played with the ghost of his old smile as he looked at Leonard. Leonard lifted a hand, and Jim caught it between both of his wordlessly.

“Jim, I'm sorry,” Leonard said.

“You can make it up to me by never doing it again,” Jim said, his voice low. “Dying doesn't solve anything. It just leaves a hole in those left behind.” Jim unconsciously flipped their hands, so that his fingers brushed over the pulse point in Leonard's wrist.

Leonard matched his grip, pressing his fingers to Jim's thundering pulse. Jim wouldn't meet his eyes, but Leonard was content to just lay in silence, Jim's physical presence anchoring him.

“I didn't know your father was dead,” Jim said. Leonard stiffened, narrowing his eyes. He had never talked about his father with Jim. He didn't talk about his father with anyone.

“How did you-” Leonard cut himself off when he remembered. His delirious rantings in the other universe. All their suits had recording devices to monitor missions. Oh god-

Jim's face confirmed it. His eyes shone brighter than usual, and there was not an ounce of his usual wise-ass.

“You listened to the suit recording,” Leonard said. Jim had tortured himself with Leonard's awful pleading, his struggles for air, and his cries for deliverance from his fate. “Jim... God. _Why_ -”

“I had to know,” Jim said. “I had to know if there was something different I could have done. Something I could have done to save you. To never hear you like that again.”

“ _God_ , Jim. Come here.” Leonard shifted, ignoring Aakhai's whine. Jim hesitated, the vulnerability in his eyes making Leonard's heart burn. “Come here, I said.”

Jim followed Leonard's tug on his hands and carefully let himself onto the mattress. He stretched out alongside Leonard, sandwiching Aakhai between them. Leonard reached around Jim and tugged him close, sliding a hand along Jim's arm.

“I killed my father,” Leonard said, so close to Jim they shared breath. “He was... He was very sick. I helped him end the pain.”

Jim closed his eyes and touched their foreheads together, one hand coming up to cup Leonard's face. “You never told me.”

“I never told anyone,” Leonard countered, his grip tightening. Aakhai whined, nudging Leonard's elbow gently. “You never told me about-” _Kodos_.

“I never told anyone,” Jim said, opening his eyes. Like he couldn't take his eyes off Leonard.

“I'm all right.”

“You almost weren't.”

“I'm all right,” Leonard repeated, closing the distance. He kissed Jim, a soft, fragile thing that fluttered between them until Jim recovered from his surprise. Jim surged against him, opening his mouth and sliding his lips along Leonard's. Leonard's breath caught, and he felt that just for a moment, Jim could breathe for him.

Jim drew back reluctantly. “Do not ever, _ever_ do anything like that again,” he said.

“Kiss you?” Leonard raised an eyebrow. Jim did not look amused.

“I won't do this without you, Bones,” Jim said. His leg went over Aakhai and hooked around Leonard's. Aakhai wriggled happily between them. Leonard dug his fingers into Jim's arm. “If I have to handcuff you to the ship, I will.”

“I'm not eager for a repeat performance,” Leonard said. He curled closer to Jim. Jim rested his chin on Leonard's head and ran his fingers through Leonard's hair. His hand settled at the nape of Leonard's neck, and Leonard closed his eyes. Jim massaged his skin, soft breaths of air puffing out against his hair.

When Leonard opened his eyes again, it was dark. The red emergency lights flashed. Leonard pushed himself up with effort. Jim's arms still surrounded him. “Jim,” Leonard said, shaking him. “Jim. Something's happened. Wake up.”

Jim didn't move. Leonard grabbed for his chin. His fingers touched icy cold skin, and he yanked his hand back. “Jim?”

Jim's eyes were open in the red haze of the emergency lights, staring blindly at the ceiling. Leonard tipped Jim's head towards him, and pressed his fingers to Jim's pulse point. Nothing.

Leonard held his breath, his own heartbeat loud and echoing. He lay still for over five minutes, straining for any hint of a pulse.

He was dead.

Leonard pushed himself away from Jim's body and found his legs tangled in Aakhai's. Leonard reached for the golden retriever, burying his hands in soft fur at his chest. No breath. Leonard wasn't a veterinarian but he couldn't feel a pulse, or the steady intake of air into lungs. Why was Aakhai still present? If Jim was dead...

If they were both dead...

Leonard bit down hard on a cry of despair. He pushed back his covers and his fingers brushed over a lump of feathers. Shaking, he passed his hands over a small body, lifting Kaira to his chest. “Kaira, darlin',” Leonard said quietly, “It's all right. You can wake up now.”

She didn't respond, hanging limp in his grasp. He viciously crushed down the panic welling in his chest. Something wasn't right. This shouldn't be happening. She couldn't be dead. She couldn't.

He stared at her, willing her to move. One dark eye stared at him sightlessly, and as he watched, it started to grow. The black expanded, rushing up to swallow him whole and he suddenly couldn't breathe. He was in space, unprotected, eyes bulging as he tried to inhale against _nothing_ -

“Bones!”

Leonard choked, flailing. Jim's warm, living hands gripped him, holding him steady as he threatened to topple off the bed.

“Calm down. It was a nightmare. Nightmare, Bones.” Jim surrounded him. Aakhai pressed up against his chest, whining. Fear. Leonard couldn't think. Jim was dead. Aakhai was dead. Kaira was dead. The Enterprise lights blinded him as Jim wrestled him down against the cot. “You need to calm down, Bones. You're going to hurt yourself.”

“Dead-” Leonard cut himself off. He gripped Jim's arms, digging his fingers into soft flesh. “You were dead.”

“Nobody died except you, you stubborn bastard,” Jim said. He pressed a trembling hand to Leonard's forehead. “It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare.”

Leonard clung to Jim, burying his face in Jim's shoulder while Aakhai squirmed between them. Kaira nuzzled his hair, sweeping her feathers over the back of his neck to let him know she was still there. Jim's heart thundered, his grip on Leonard painfully tight.

“This is attractive,” Leonard said, when he finally had a grip on himself. Jim chuckled and held him tighter.

“I guess now would be a good time to remind you that you'll have to go through psychotherapy before you're cleared for duty again. Standard medical procedure for torture victims,” Jim said. “And I'll know if you're not ready. So don't dare try to lie your way out of it.”

“Isn't that my line?” Leonard asked, twisting his hands further in Jim's shirt. Jim ran his hand up and down Leonard's back.

“The nightmares will go away, eventually,” Jim said. “You should go back to sleep, if you can. I'll keep watch.”

Leonard slept soundly into the next day, and woke to find Jim sitting up in the bed reading a padd. They had shifted, and Leonard's face was pressed to Jim's chest. Jim's hand rested on the back of his neck, thumb rubbing slow circles on his skin. Aakhai _sprawled_ across Leonard, legs sticking up in random places around Leonard's arms and legs. Kaira had managed to wedge herself somewhere in the sanctuary of Leonard and Aakhai's bodies. Leonard could feel her start to stir, drowsy and utterly content.

“Morning,” Jim said. “The doctors are coming to check on you in a few minutes. They said that since you've come out of the coma you can be moved to your room.” Jim's thumb stilled.

“Doctor McCoy, how good to see you again.” Geoffrey M'Benga approached the bed, grinning. “I see you've rejoined the land of the living.”

“Geoff, what are you doing here?” Leonard turned onto his back with Jim's help, and M'Benga tugged a monitor towards him.

“You called for back up. We were in the area, and we swung over once your quarantine had been lifted. I must admit, your mission report is pretty ludicrous, captain,” M'Benga said. “Human batteries?”

“Not the captain,” Jim said, putting the padd on the bedside table. “How does he look, doc?”

“Why are you respectful to him?” Leonard asked, pouting ever so slightly. “You never sit patiently with me.”

“I'm sitting with you patiently,” Jim said in an even tone. Leonard closed his mouth and focused on M'Benga's status checks, responding to the routine procedure automatically.

“Much better. You're not a corpse,” M'Benga said at the end of the checks. “Bed rest. For at least another week. And then I get to torture some poor nurse with you and your physical therapy. I'm sending in a specialist. She's trained in working with children.”

Leonard snorted, smacking M'Benga's hand away. M'Benga put away his instruments and paused at the bedside. His ocelot cocked her head at Leonard.

“It was bad, Leonard,” M'Benga said. He reached for Leonard's arm and squeezed it briefly. “It was real bad. I'm glad you're all right.”

Leonard patted M'Benga's hand, unable to say anything around the lump in his throat.

“Thank you,” Jim said. “How are the intercised crew?”

“Still non-responsive. I don't think there's anything we can do for them except make them comfortable,” M'Benga said. “I'll be admitting them to a long term care facility when we return planet-side. The honourable discharge forms are in your messages, awaiting your signature.”

Jim pressed his lips into a fine line. “Thank you, doctor.”

M'Benga nodded, and left them alone. A nurse took up station just outside the privacy curtains. Jim exhaled shakily. “He operated on you. He stabalised you, but you wouldn't come out of the coma.”

Leonard dragged Jim to his level, cupping his face. “I'm all right. I'm getting released. I even let you kiss me.” Jim laughed softly. “I'm not leaving you, Jim.”

Jim hummed, touching their lips together. Leonard relaxed, accepting the warm kiss with enthusiasm. Jim drew back fractionally, panting, and met Leonard's eyes. “I need-” Jim clenched his jaw. He curled his fingers into a fist and rested it on Leonard's chest. He lowered his head, forehead to Leonard's still sore chest. “Damn it, Bones.”

“Hey,” Leonard said, pushing a hand through Jim's hair. “Get me back to my quarters. Jim.”

Jim pushed himself too quickly up, slipping into his discarded shoes. Aakhai hopped from the bed. Leonard sat up, his side twinging in protest, and Jim reached for him. He hesitated. “Can I-?”

Leonard followed his hands to see Kaira sprawled gracelessly on the sheets, snoring softly. “How embarrassing,” Leonard said. He swallowed hard and nodded.

It was a good thing he was sitting down. Kaira's eyes flew open at the slightest touch of Jim's fingers along her feathers. Carefully, oh so carefully, he lifted her from the bed. Leonard felt his breath catch as Jim took her to his chest. Warmth. He was so warm. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, dizzy with the sheer comfort. Nothing could touch him again. The lingering anxiety was pushed away, flooded by incredible serenity, the sensation that this was what he needed, this is what he longed for.

“Hey.” Jim's light chuckle drew him from his stupor, and he blinked. He had slid sideways on the bed, completely blissed out. Jim's hand rested in his hair. “All right?”

“Better than all right,” Leonard said. He felt like a giant cat that had just been sleeping. He knew better than to try and stretch, so he sat up again, and with Jim's help, stood.

The ground swayed under his feet, and he tightened his grip on Jim. Kaira was an exceedingly unhelpful lump of feathers in Jim's arm, too content to even bother cooing like a tipsy pigeon. It must have been third shift. The ship's halls were silent as Jim helped Leonard to his quarters. They passed one ensign checking a control panel, but no one else. Leonard was glad. Nobody would see Jim carrying his punch-drunk daemon through the ship.

Jim settled him into his own bed, which had never felt better in his life. He felt top heavy, sliding sideways into his sheets almost immediately. Somewhere in the back of his head he knew that even though he had slept forever, his body was still recovering. The exhaustion was normal. He didn't have to like it, though.

He did rather enjoy Jim climbing into bed with him, though, slipping behind him to hold him. Jim's hand rested over his heart.

“This is new,” Leonard said cautiously. Jim snuffled against his neck.

“Just let me,” he said. Kaira managed to drag herself over Leonard's shoulder and into the curl of his arms. Jim breathed hot and constant along the skin of his throat. Leonard drifted in and out the rest of the night. Whenever he was startled awake by a nightmare, Jim's voice murmured low and soothing, his lips brushing the curve of Leonard's ear, and Leonard quieted almost instantly.

He was surprised to wake up alone. He rolled onto his back, stretching newly grafted skin, and flung out his arm into Jim's empty space. “Jim?”

He sat up gingerly, propping himself up against the wall as Kaira shook herself awake. “Jim?”

Nothing.

He had to pee.

Leonard groaned and forced his legs over the side of the bed. Kaira shifted, stretching her wings as Leonard stood carefully. He leaned against the wall, getting his bearings as the ground shifted under him. When the room stopped heaving, he slowly made his way to the bathroom.

By the time he had finished his business, he was exhausted. He gripped the counter top with shaking arms, frustrated.

“Leonard?” Kaira called from the bed.

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” Leonard said.

“Here.”

Leonard jerked, startled, and his hand slipped. Jim grabbed him, keeping him upright. Leonard couldn't help it, he wrapped his arms around Jim. Together, they made their way back to Leonard's bed where Jim helped Leonard in.

“So now starship captains are bedside nurses?” Leonard asked, trying and failing to get comfortable.

“Not captain,” Jim said. “Spock's captain for now.”

Leonard pressed his lips together. He reached for Jim and tugged him down onto the bed with him. Jim edged onto the mattress, exceedingly careful of Leonard's lingering aches. Leonard pulled Jim close to him, spooning up against his back as their legs tangled. Kaira waddled out from under the sheet and fluttered into Jim's arms. He laughed gently, scooping her close, and Leonard felt warm, comfortable satisfaction sweep through him.

Jim gripped Leonard's arm and hugged it close to him, forcing Leonard's grip around him tighter.

“Jim,” Leonard said. Jim hummed, drowsy with content. “I meant everything I said. Before. I'm sorry. I can't do this without you, either.”

Jim stiffened ever so slightly. Aakhai trotted into the room, the door whispering open and shut after him. Leonard took a deep breath to calm his thundering heart and touched his lips to Jim's shoulder. “Do you mean-”

“I'm compromised, Jim,” Leonard said, letting a hand slide under Jim's shirt to touch bare skin. Jim shivered. “Since the day I snuck you aboard, I think. I just couldn't see it.”

Jim rolled, arching along Leonard's body until he was propped over him with bright eyes. “If you're shitting me right now, Bones- I-”

“Never.” Leonard dug his fingers into Jim's arms, sure to leave bruises. “Never. I would never-”

Jim silenced him, cutting off his denials with a searing kiss. Leonard met his advance, a fierce, biting kiss that burned him from the inside out. Jim locked their hips together, rocking against him just slow enough not to upset his injuries. Despite the care, Leonard could feel every single muscle on the side of his body stretch and ache from disuse.

They separated, Jim painting a hot, slick line of kisses along his throat as he worked his shirt open. The hospital gown ties fell away under Jim's fingers and he dragged his palms along Leonard's chest. Leonard sucked in deep, grounding breaths, but couldn't prevent the soft groan when Jim tried to get his shirt off him. Jim froze instantly, hands twisted in Leonard's tunic.

“I-” Jim started.

“Don't,” Leonard cut him off. “You can't- If you stop now I will update every single one of your vaccinations you've been dodging-”

“Okay, okay.” Jim hid his laugh in Leonard's shoulder. “We have time, Bones. Why don't I help you with a shower? An honest to god, water shower. Special privileges of death experiences.”

“Are you saying I smell?” Leonard asked, just to watch Jim flush straight down to his chest. Leonard pushed Jim off him, sputtering, and sat up with a wince. He gripped Jim's shoulder and pushed to his feet. Jim stood with him, steadying hand at the small of his back as they made their way to the bathroom.

Aakhai followed behind them with Kaira perched on his back. They curled into the corner beside the 'fresher, and stared while Jim helped Leonard out of his hospital scrubs.

Leonard had to force himself to breathe slowly as Jim's fingers slid over his skin, tantalizingly close yet not touching the way Leonard needed. He reached for Jim's hands, but Jim slapped him away.

“Let me,” Jim said, face turned down. He unlaced the tie holding Leonard's tunic and carefully peeled the fabric back. Leonard held very still, closing his eyes against the sensation of Jim's fingers on his flesh. Jim swept slow, burning caresses over his throat and shoulder, the pads of his fingers just barely skimming his skin.

“Jim-”

“Shush, Bones,” Jim said, lifting his eyes. Leonard met his gaze, air drawn from his lungs at the intensity in Jim's eyes. “I need to memorise you.”

Leonard cupped the back of Jim's head and drew him close, sealing his lips over Jim's. Jim whimpered, digging his fingers into Leonard's arms as Leonard opened his mouth, sliding his tongue along Jim's. “I ain't goin' nowhere.”

Jim chuckled deliriously against his lips. “Your _accent_. Jesus, Bones. I lost you-”

Leonard swallowed whatever else he had planned to say, rolling his entire body against Jim's, pushing him back against the bathroom wall. Jim sank his fingers into Leonard's hair, twisting just short of painful. Leonard panted against Jim's lips, and Jim pulled away to paint a line of wet, sloppy kisses along the line of his jaw.

Leonard turned his head, giving Jim access to his vulnerable pulse point. Jim bit, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of Leonard's neck. He gripped Leonard's hips, pulling them flush against each other. Jim's fingers slid around the waist of Leonard's trousers. Sucking hard on Leonard's collarbone, Jim made short work of the knot holding his trousers up.

Jim broke away to push Leonard's pants down. Leonard stepped out of them, and Jim quickly shucked his clothes. Kicking the pile of clothing to the side, Jim tugged Leonard into the shower. Leonard winced when the spray struck his skin, and Jim immediately stepped between him and the water.

Pressed against the wall of the shower, and surrounded by Jim, Leonard felt the chills wash away. He smoothed his hands up the water-slick planes of Jim's back, feeling each muscle bunch and slide under firm skin. Jim groaned softly, muffling his short gasps in Leonard's throat. Their erections bumped, flushing heat straight up Leonard's spine.

“Jim. Jim.” Leonard buried his face in Jim's hair, curling his fingers through soaked locks.

Jim hummed, reaching between them to take Leonard's erection firmly in hand. Warm, rough skin slipped over his sensitive prick and he shuddered, bucking into Jim's hand. Ducking his head, Jim kissed a path through the rivulets of water slicking Leonard's chest. He swirled his tongue over one of Leonard's nipples, breathing hot and steady along overheated skin.

He twisted his wrist, pushing their erections together. Leonard fumbled between them, his hands catching on the sharp lines of Jim's hips. Jim nudged his hands away. “Let me,” he said, barely a whisper over the patter of water on skin.

The hard press of Jim's palms into Leonard's skin was just short of painful as Jim lowered himself to the floor of the shower. Leonard was blasted full in the face with the spray, and shook wet hair out of his eyes. He tasted clean water and Jim.

Jim closed his lips over Leonard's erection and took him deep into his throat. Leonard snorted, a completely undignified noise that only exacerbated the heat climbing under his skin. Water clung to Jim's lashes, glistening with each delicate flutter. Jim pulled back, laving the tip of Leonard's erection with his tongue. He breathed out hot and wanting. Leonard's knees went weak.

Jim pressed his face to the inside of Leonard's thigh, and swept his hands over Leonard's lower back and arse. His fingers pressed bruises into Leonard's legs, and he scraped his teeth on the sensitive flesh of Leonard's thigh. Leonard started to slide, his knees incapable of holding him up anymore, but the tile stuck painfully to his back. He gasped, and Jim reached for him. With Jim's help, Leonard managed to work himself to the ground.

Crouched between his legs, Jim lowered himself over Leonard's erection, lips sealing over the firm shaft. Cool water warmed under Jim's tongue, and Leonard lost himself in the sensation of moist, tight muscle. Leonard reached for Jim's hair.

“Jim-”

He came, tossing his head against the wall as he bucked into Jim's mouth. Jim rode him out, swallowing around him until Leonard could blink back the stars in his vision.

“Sorry, sorry-”

“Shut up, Bones,” Jim said, slipping his hand over Leonard's mouth. “I've wanted to do that forever. Don't ruin it.”

Jim replaced his hand with his mouth, kissing Leonard slow, and long, and deep. Leonard hummed, tasting himself on Jim's lips. Jim's touch burned where bare skin slid over Leonard's. “Forever?”

“Maybe a bit longer,” Jim said, mouth hovering over Leonard's. “You really have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”

Leonard closed his eyes and touched his forehead to Jim's. “I'm a doctor, Jim. Not some sort of... hero.”

“When you're healed up,” Jim started, his voice a low growl, “I'm going to fuck you into the mattress.”

“Hot,” Leonard said. Jim breathed against his lips, still moving sensuously along Leonard's body as the water continued to flow around them. “I thought showers were supposed to clean. I think we have gone backwards.”

Jim laughed, the sound echoing over the splatter of water droplets. He dipped his head against Leonard's chin, nudging his gaze sideways. “Look.”

Through the fogged glass of the shower stall, Leonard could see Kaira spooned in Aakhai's front paws. He was grooming her, snuffling her feathers and lavishing affection through the pinions of her wings. She sprawled limp and utterly content, crooning soft noises of pleasure as Aakhai swept his tongue over her.

“God. She is such a pigeon.” Leonard hid his face in Jim's throat, though unable to stop the smile that blossomed.

Jim finally peeled them both off the floor and gave Leonard another rub down, this time with the soap.

By the time Jim was finished, Leonard wasn't sure he could stand on his own. His legs felt like that godawful jello the mess served on Sundays, and he leaned heavily on Jim as they made their way back to his cool, comfortable bed. Jim let him down and he collapsed, sprawling. Jim climbed over him and fell onto the mattress. Their daemons joined them within moments.

Leonard rolled over and fetched up against Aakhai. The dog snuffled, squirming with delight, and Leonard slung an arm over him. Curled up at Leonard's back, Jim practically purred with content as he came awake. “How do you feel?”

“Clean. Rested. The drugs are working,” Leonard said. Jim's arm slipped around his waist, scratching Aakhai's belly. Aakhai writhed happily, kicking his legs in the air.

“We're heading back today,” Jim said softly. “The Federation is going to put a stay on communications with this planet. We'll put a post up on the neighbouring moon, and monitor them. If they start to display warp capabilities, we'll send in a trained negotiations team to talk with the Nareel. Humans won't be setting foot on this planet again.”

“Good,” Leonard said. “I'm going to add an extremely unpleasant entry into the species encyclopedia about them.”

“Behave,” Jim admonished. “You're a professional.” Leonard grimaced and stretched.

“Not that professional.”

Jim propped himself up. Smiling gently, Leonard reached up and dragged his fingers through Jim's tousled hair. The smile he received was heart-stopping, and worth the entire god damn mission.

“Are you back in command?” Leonard asked. Jim pressed his lips together.

“I think I'm going to let Spock take us back. I have important things to attend,” Jim said, his hand slipping under Leonard's shirt. Leonard chuckled and met Jim's lips.

_but you, you've gone too far this time_  
 _you have neither reason nor rhyme_  
 _with which to take this soul which is so rightfully mine_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! Thanks for everyone sticking with me. I hope I've given you a good ride. There is a deleted scene (of Jim rescuing Bones). If anyone is interested I can post that as well. Cheers!
> 
> [Now with fanart](http://laipin.tumblr.com/post/61150581329/edit-also-yay-this-is-my-1000th-post-ovo) from the amazing, spectacular, beautiful, brilliant [Laipin](http://laipin.tumblr.com/)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Stars Hide Your Fires (deleted scene)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/593896) by [tresa_cho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tresa_cho/pseuds/tresa_cho)




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